“RE: Shane”

I miss him. A lot. I didnt see him all that much but whenever we talked, it meant the world. Whenever he was around me he would smile as if everything in the world was perfect. It made me feel safe. The day I found out of his death, I wept. I never cried so much in my entire life. In front of everyone too. I didnt care who saw, or what anyone thought of me. I thought of Shane. I couldnt believe he was actually gone. I cried uncontrolably for weeks. Secretly throughout the night and even in the shower. I would just crawl into a ball, hold my knees, and cry. I didnt know what to do, the world felt lonely without him. For a while I was mad at God. How could he take such a wonderful person out of this world? I needed him here, with me. But then I realized I was being selfish. God needed him in heaven, and he'd always be with me. When I accepted that, I didnt cry as much. Only once a day instead of half the day. I still do cry. And you know what, it's because of two reasons. The most was due to Shanes death, but then I took a look at my dad. That made me cry even more. If you could've seen his face. Everyday, he looked...severly depressed, crying all day. I never ever saw him cry before. He was like a trapped soul. I felt so bad because I couldnt help him. All I could do was be with him and I knew that wasnt enough. I wanted despritly to bring back Shane, if that brought back my dads happiness. I would give my life to bring back Shane so my dad would be happy. I love my dad. It hurt so much to see him in pain. He's doing a lot better. He thinks about Shane everyday. I tell God to tell Shane I said hi. This is mostly when the tears start to come. So thats about it for now. Just writing this has brought out a few buckets of tears. I love Shane, always have, always will.