“RE: Chaos and Chronology”

Brenda,

That posting wasn't about you. It wasn't even really about Richie. It was about my life, and the chaos and difficulties I'm trying to deal with right now.

Kids are kids. None of them are perfect. Not Lauren, not Richie, not any other kids either.

I wrote what I wrote about Richie because has greatly contributed to the chaos in *my* life right now. Not because I don't like him, because I do. It's just that we weren't ready for him, and he's having a very difficult time adjusting to his new life here.

I hope that some part of the anger and meanness you've shown in the last few days comes simply from missing him. Whatever mistreatment, dislike, or neglect you think he's facing here, though, is totally imagined on your part. He has had a very difficult time adjusting to his new life, though, and that has not just added to, but really multiplied the chaos in our house.

My comment about his lack of discipline was not intended to reflect directly on you. I'm sorry that I said it that way. He's certainly acting very (very!) undisciplined, but that's at least partially a result of the adjustment.

As for the stuff you said about Lauren... well, you're totally, completely out of line. Lauren is amazingly well behaved. Everyone who takes care of her (and there are lots of people besides us who have helped out) all tell us what a delight she is nearly all of the time. Shannon has told me that I spoil her, so perhaps that's where you've heard it, but when I asked her to explain what she means she tells me that I when Lauren cries I "go running to find out what's wrong." In what world is that spoiling a child? I discipline her when it's needed, I dote on her most of the rest of the time, and we've produced a very happy, friendly, well behaved little girl.

Does she call me Daddy? No, she calls me "dada". I have no idea why. We never taught her that word, and asked all of our friends to never even use the word around her so she wouldn't pick it up. I'm Opa.

On the other hand, what you're really worrying about is appearances. So far, I'm the only father Lauren has ever known. Mike's coming home in a couple weeks and we'll have another huge adjustment to deal with. He won't be a total stranger because I've taken Lauren to see him DOZENS AND DOZENS of times in the last 21 months, but it'll be a long time before she can really think of him as her father. They'll both have a lot of adjusting to do.

I don't think anybody is ever "above reproach." Still, I do think we've been awfully nice to that little family, really making them part of our family. We have a crazy, mixed up, chaotic family, but I love every one of them even at the worst of times. So even if we're not above reproach, it would be nice if you'd give me the benefit of the doubt... especially as it's your daughter and grandchildren to whom we've given so much of our time, money, and hearts.

This is *my* site, and I've always spoken honestly about my feelings and my life. Maintain a civil tone here, or you are not welcome, and I *will* block and ban you. If you want to play the game of signing up with another email address, well, I have other ways of blocking you, too. For now I will leave things as they are, and you're welcome to continue commenting... but only if you can be civil and respectful. Give me at least a little benefit of the doubt, ok?

Seth