Truer Words - A Journal

There's No Celebrating This Anniversary

seth@macrobyte.net — Fri, 12 Mar 2010 17:53:18 GMT

Six years ago today: March 12, 2004. Much of that day is like a broken mirror, every tiny shard a piece of shattered memory and lost life. Every sliver seems significant, but none of it making much sense on its own.

What I remember most clearly is sitting with Corinne on the front steps of our house in Mystic. Waiting.

We'd spoken with a police officer from Norwich who told us only that "something happened with Shane," and "I can't tell you this over the phone."

Denial. We sat, waited, and denied in the mid-afternoon sunshine.

I held her, we talked. "Maybe he just got in trouble." "It could be anything."

Three of them came that day. Two officers. One priest-type, whoever was on call that day. We knew as soon as we saw him, and there was no more denying.

Somehow we were in the house, no longer on the front step. The officers tried talking to us, Reverend Badnews tried to be something other than what he was.

Corinne stormed into the kitchen and slammed the door. Her breaking heart sounded like shattering dishes and crashing cutlery. (Looking back now, I think, "How apropos.")

I tried to hear the men, let them tell me what happened so I could share it with Corinne when her storm had passed. If it would ever pass. I got that he fell from a balcony and hit his head. There wasn't much more to tell. The storm was raging, all I could do was shoo these helpless messengers out of our hell.

"Why are you here?" I asked Reverend Badnews, looking him in the eye. "I, I... to help." "You need to go."

The officer gave me his card.

Shattered slivers of memory from the day Shane Michael Ray Kilhefner, my wife's only child, died at 23.

Fifty One Days Later

seth@macrobyte.net — Thu, 10 Dec 2009 12:49:17 GMT

It's been fifty one days since I dropped Lauren off at her grandmother's house in North Carolina. I haven't talked to her since.

I did finally get around to putting up my last batch of pictures from her visit at the beginning of October. You can find them at the end of this set.

They're not responding to email or phone calls anymore. Lauren was really upset when I dropped her off, so I guess they've decided it's better if she forgets about us (rather than missing us).

Sudoku

seth@macrobyte.net — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 20:47:34 GMT

I used to do Sudoku all the time, but I lost interest around the time Lauren came into our lives. Coincidentally (?), I'm back into it again.

(Oh, what's Sudoku? It looks something like a crossword puzzle, but it's all numbers. 9x9 grid, divided into nine 3x3 sections. To finish the game, every row, column, and 3x3 section must have all of the digits 1-9. There's no math involved, other than being able to count to 9. There is some real logic involved, though.)

When at my computer I use Verek's Sudoku Companion. It's freeware, though it didn't used to be: I had to pay for my copy. (Verek is no longer in business, though, so I'm glad they're giving the app away.)

Sudoku Companion gives you all the options I think you might need in a computer-based version of the game, other than an "I give up just solve it for me" button. It offers six levels of difficulty: Easy, Medium, Hard, Fiendish, Insane and Sudoku of the Day. I'm not sure where the Sudoku of the Day comes from, but everybody running the app gets the same one on the same day, so it's a nifty way to have a little friendly competition. A timer at the bottom of the window tells you how long it's been since the game started, and the timer pauses if the game isn't frontmost (so if you take a break, the timer stops). You can also create your own sudokus, and save/share them. (It's very difficult to create a good one, though.)

I can usually complete an 'insane' sudoku in about thirty minutes. The dailies are usually forty minutes to an hour.

If you like sudoku and you're on a mac, go get a copy of Sudoku Companion (that's the direct download link). Do a couple warmup games, and then try Sudoko Companion Daily.png. It's the most difficult sudoku I've ever played, and took almost two hours to complete!

Recurring Dreams

seth@macrobyte.net — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 18:27:48 GMT

As I drove Corinne to work this morning, she casually mentioned the recurring dream she has about Lauren.

…

Sigh.

There are two for me. Or I should say, one recurring dream and one recurring daydream.

The night-time-while-I'm-sleeping dream is quite silly, and in fact it's more of a memory than a dream. She's been potty trained, and has just used the toilet. At just two-and-a-half years old, she needs help pulling her pants back up. She looks up and asks me to help, I lean down to help her, and our foreheads (our "twoheads," as she says it) bonk. I look into her eyes, those crazy-big, brown, anime eyes, and am transfixed.

That's it, my dream-memory. Every night, over and over.

The daydream is entirely different. Every night when I go to bed, I can't help but seek her out. I see her, sleeping either on her right side with her arms by her side, or on her stomach, curled up but not quite fetal. Her head is always on the sheet instead of the pillow, her hair everywhere. I see every detail, and I savor them. I watch her breathe for a while, and then lean in to kiss her cheek near her ear.

She stirs, though. Even in my mind she stirs. “Opa?” “Go back to sleep, baby girl, I was just saying good night. I love you.” Then I'm gone, back in my own bed.

Mike and Shannon — and probably Brenda, too — would take even this away from me if they could. I'm sure of it, just as I'm sure they'd deny it.

Happy Birthday Little Brother

seth@macrobyte.net — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 13:30:47 GMT

Jed is 35 today.

I haven't seen him since his wedding two and a half years go. Corinne hasn't seen him since he moved out of our house almost four years ago. (This was wrong, forgot about his visit a few months after the wedding. So it's been a little over two years for both of us.)

Along with his wife Alycia, her little horse and his big dog, he lives in a wigwam on the top of a mountain just outside of the arctic circle, about 10,000 miles from here. I get carrier-eagle messages from him every few months, and last I heard he was doing fine. (In fact, last I heard he was going on an Orca hunt with his brother-in-law, Nanook. We're not worried, though as Jed is the careful type who rarely suffers any sort of injury.)

Another correction: Jed tells me they live in a longhouse, not a wigwam; also they were hunting Narwhal, not Orca. At least, that's what they're telling people.

Three Legged Stool

seth@macrobyte.net — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 22:50:51 GMT

Retail software is a three legged stool.

User Interface
Engineering

Right?

Oh, what? There are only two legs there? Huh. What's missing?

Marketing is the third leg. Very rare is the product that can succeed without it, no matter how well crafted. (Yet so many try.)

More on this soon. Something very big is brewing.

Lauren is Home Again

seth@macrobyte.net — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 07:29:06 GMT

Tonight (er, last night, since it's now 2 am) I had to break a little girl's heart. And mine. Again. She cried. She begged me to stay or take her back to "Oma's house" or just give her one more hug-and-kiss (a dozen times). I won't embarrass her (future self) by telling everybody how bad it was or what else she did, but it was bad.

By the time I left her grandmother's house (in NC where the family is living), I was weeping openly too. I finally just handed her to Mike, told her I love her, and went out the door.

I wonder how much more this would have to hurt to convince me to stay out of Lauren's life (not there yet, that's for sure). Is that the idea here? Or am I being tested to see how much I can take or what I'll sacrifice for the ones I love? Something else? Is this character-building, character-testing, or just a bed of my own making?

Anyway, I'm at a hotel somewhere in VA now, and need sleep before I finish the long, lonely drive home tomorrow. Er, today.

2009 PMC Fundraising is Complete

seth@macrobyte.net — Fri, 02 Oct 2009 02:21:48 GMT

I posted about this on the project's news page, but I should mention it here, too: my goal was $10,000, but we (not I) raised closer to $22,000. Follow that link for details, including some cool stats about the bundles and the project.

miss lauren

seth@macrobyte.net — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 06:12:52 GMT

opa lay down with me

tonight I miss her tears

her smile

her laugh and the way

she runs

pumping for all she's worth

which is a lot

everything

opa I have a present for you

a rock

or a blade of grass

sometimes one of oma's chocolates

or my keys, a penny

sometimes a kiss or a hug

always something priceless

opa I miss you

you hurt my feelings

how my darling?

you made me live at grampa cowboys

I want to stay with you

oh dear god what have I done

Life Never Does

seth@macrobyte.net — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 19:27:31 GMT

Shane would have and should have been twenty-nine years old today.

Life never does what you think it will, what it should. You never think you'll lose a child. Then when you do, you think life and the world will stop, maybe forever. But it keeps… it just keeps going. On and on. Then you think you'll never have another, you're too old or it's just not in God's plans... and here comes another baby, from out of nowhere, to raise as your own. You can't believe it happened, and how good it is, and she'll never replace the first but she expands your heart and teaches you to love again.

Then she's taken away, too. Almost as far as Shane was, but not quite, and it hurts almost as much but now it's the "not knowing" that burns so hot. It'll never be right again, you know she's gone forever just like him.

But now she tells us she loves us again, almost every night, and her sweet little face blows us kisses while her mommy and daddy smile and tell us they miss us and hope to see us soon. But never soon enough.

We miss you, Shane.

PMC Fundraising: Winding Down

seth@macrobyte.net — Fri, 11 Sep 2009 20:15:20 GMT

My PMC fundraising efforts are winding down for the year. We've raised almost $18,000!

$12,851.76 on my account
$4,200 (approximately) on Dave Schlageter's account
$650 on Chris Rawson's account

That all adds up to 17,751.76.

We've delivered 228 bundles so far, and still have another 28 somewhere in the pipeline (either waiting for payment or we're waiting for registration codes).

(I keep saying "we" because Corinne and Cindy are still helping me.)

We're going to keep accepting offers for a few more days.

On the technology side, I'll mention that this morning I totally rewrote the code which decides if a bundle will be accepted. In the process I made it fairer, and lowered the price points at which an offer will be accepted.

It's all based on percentages. First it divides your offer by the total retail value of your bundle to get the bundle's "offer percentage." So if you offer $50 for a bundle that's worth $100, the bundle's offer percentage is 50%. Then it figures out the minimum percentage we'll accept for that bundle, based on the following rules:

There's a minimum offer percentage, let's call it min_pct. Any offer below that is rejected.
There's a maximum offer percentage (max_pct). Anything at or above it is accepted.
Small bundles (where the retail is at or below a certain threshold, min_ttl) must be at or above max_pct.
Large offers (retail above a certain threshold, max_ttl) must be at or above min_pct.
For bundles whose retail value is between min_ttl and max_ttl, it figures out what percentage to accept. It's a sliding scale based on where the bundle's retail value falls in the range between min_ttl and max_ttl.
There's one last complication: if the bundle included any "rare" apps, then the required percentage is raised by a certain amount. An app is rare if there is only one left.

Follow all that? Hey, even if nobody else cares, at lest this will serve as a good refresher on the math in that code, the next time I need to update it.

Now go build yourself a bundle before we shut it down for the year! Most of the titles have not sold out.

Mac and iPhone Application Bundles for the PMC

seth@macrobyte.net — Sun, 30 Aug 2009 20:39:17 GMT

I'm raising money for the PMC again this year (duh), and doing it the same way as last year (and the year before, and two years before that). What method is that? I ask lots of developers (companies and individuals) to donate copies of their Mac apps (and iPhone, this year), and then I sell them in bundles.

Some developers donate five copies, some one hundred. Some tell me I can have as many as I want.

I don't really sell them, either. I give them away as thank you gifts in exchange for making donations to the PMC via my fundraising account. The “buyer” builds their own bundle out of the big list of available software, then sends me an email to tell me about it, including how much they'd like to pay.

The project is a huge amount of work. Everybody gets a response, even those offers that are turned down for being too low. An accepted offer involves LOTS of email:

in: initial offer
out: your offer is accepted, please make donation
in: donation receipt as proof of payment
in: “What’s taking so long?”
out: acknowledgement of receipt, “please be patient”
out: one registration request for every app in the bundle, sent to the donors
in: one app registration per app in the bundle
out: “Thank you for your donation, you can download your software here…”

(That's just the simple ones. Some bundles have twice as many messages, due to questions or problems.)

Between sending out all those messages, there's a database that needs to be maintained to keep track of everything. Apps are reserved for a “buyer” so that we don't agree to a bundle and then run out before we can fulfill it. Registration codes have to be copied into the database when they come back from the developers/donors. The buyer’s contact info needs to be entered before we ask the app donors for registrations.

It's a lot of work. I used to do it all myself. I put the project off this year because I absolutely dreaded doing it all again.

To my rescue came Corinne Dillingham (my wife) and Cindy Compton: both have volunteered many hours on this project to help me deal with all this email, via a shared gMail account.

Corinne's helping me because she loves me and knows this is important to me. Cindy's helping because she's been bitten by cancer herself, and is still fighting it... she bought a bundle last year, and this year she's in the trenches with us.

Unfortunately the project has one major flaw: it's far too much work! I keep streamlining the process, but no matter how smooth I make it, it's all still being done manually. Three people can't possibly keep up with dozens or hundreds of people making offers all at once. We fall behind. We run out of apps but the bundle builder still lists them as available because we don't even know we're out yet, as they are "taken" by email which is still in the queue. So, we keep getting more offers for apps that have sold out.

Clearly, I'm doing it wrong.

The donors have been very generous in covering our oversells. (Thanks guys and gals!) Still...

This is the last year I'm doing it like this. Let me say that again: this is the last year I'm doing it all this way.

This is clearly a great way to raise money for the PMC. Last year I raised over $14,000, and most of the work was done in just a couple of weeks. This year looks pretty good too. It's just too much work!

That doesn't mean I'm quitting. It just means that I need to finish my "PMC app" (the database app we use behind the scenes) and make it a full web-app, like a storefront, and fully automate the process.

If I don't have it working (at least crudely) by the time PMC signup opens in January, then I'm not signing up.

There, I said it. It's scary, but true. I've just given myself a deadline.

I'll have more to say about this. I know how I want the app to behave, how it should work. I just need to make it happen, and still get paying work done in the process.

Wish me luck! I don't want to give up the PMC, but there's just no way I'm doing it like this again next year. I'm quite pleased with how this has grown and improved over the years, but it's time for it to move up to another level or be allowed to die.

In the meantime, though, go buy a Mac or iPhone software bundle! We'll continue accepting bundles for at least another week or two.

40 Years!!

seth@macrobyte.net — Mon, 24 Aug 2009 19:18:46 GMT

As of today, my parents — Mike and Gloria Dillingham — have been married for forty years!

Happy Anniversary, Mom and Dad.

Things haven't been easy for them — ever, really — but that's what makes their marriage, their life together, so beautiful. With all their considerable strength, they've held onto the things that matter most to them, no matter what storms they were forced to endure... and they still love each other as I remember when I was a kid.

I know lots of kids who grow up never seeing any tenderness or affection between their parents. (Obviously I know lots of kids who grow up without two parents.) Jed, Sarah and I grew up watching our parents kiss, hold hands and display their affection in so many ways. Not that they never argued, but the arguments always ended, eventually, with a return to affection and silliness. (Silliness has always been one of my Dad's specialties, a trait that I'm afraid I inherited.)

So again: Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad! I'm sorry that none of us were able to be there with you in Missouri to celebrate.

Lauren Sings “Frère Jacques”

seth@macrobyte.net — Sun, 23 Aug 2009 03:29:38 GMT

Richie is traveling for a couple of weeks to visit his aunt Paulette (VA) and his grandparents (NC). At the same time, Mike and Shannon did something totally wonderful (for us) by letting us keep Lauren for the week (we normally have them both for one night and Lauren alone for one night, every week).

This evening, Corinne and I were driving back from the ecclesial hall with Lauren. Lauren and I were singing “Frère Jacques" and making Corinne laugh, when she said that someday I/we would regret not having stuff like this recorded.

She may be right, so…

Enjoy!

Update: Apparently this needs a little back-story. Lauren had the nastiest diaper I've ever experienced, Saturday afternoon. I changed it, of course, but she desperately needed a bath. When Corinne mentioned recording Lauren's singing, I said that if I tried it before she'd been cleaned up it would go something like, "Frère Jacques... blaaaargh!" As you can see in the video, Lauren picked that up and wouldn't let it go. :-)

New Business Card?

seth@macrobyte.net — Fri, 07 Aug 2009 00:10:02 GMT

Logged into my Google Voice account yesterday and saw an offer to get 25 of these (printed and shipped) for free.

How could I pass that up!? :-) Not sure what Google is thinking, but I think they're funny.

A Dozen Years

seth@macrobyte.net — Tue, 04 Aug 2009 03:33:41 GMT

Today Corinne and I have been married for twelve years!

Happy Anniversary, baby. I love you with all my heart, and always will.

The Case of the Vanishing Laptop

seth@macrobyte.net — Fri, 31 Jul 2009 02:19:26 GMT

This is a recounting of my very busy day (yesterday, Wednesday), to the best of my ability. There's a mystery embedded herein. I have either forgotten something, or something strange happened that I haven't yet figured out. Corinne thinks I'm simply going senile at 36. Whatever.

7:45

Get up.

8:15

Go to Agway, pick up six flea bombs. Somehow our four cats, who are indoors 100% of the time, have picked up fleas. (Our only other pets are four parrots, who don't have fleas and never go outside.)

8:45

Move three of the four parrots out to the porch, seal it off as best we can. The flea bombs are very bad for them.

9:15

Pack the cats into their carriers and into the back of the minivan.
Vacuum the main floor of the house.
Pack my laptop, camera and bible bag into the minivan. I don't want flea spray on this stuff.
Cover all other electronics with towels.
Seal off the master bedroom, where we haven't seen any fleas and we have one other parrot.

10:15

Set up the flea bombs on all floors of the house. Basement, living room, kitchen, my office, two near the open doors of Lauren's and Richie's rooms upstairs (which also covers the hallway and second bathroom).

10:30

Get Corinne and Jackie (Andrew's girlfriend, who is staying with us for a week) out to the cars, set off the bombs. Not nearly as exciting as it sounds. Take Jackie to Cumberland Farms, then to the Pride house for the rest of the day. Corinne drives the Blazer over to the church to cook lunch.

10:50

Pick up some Capstar flea-killer pills for the cats, at Stonington Feeds in Mystic.

11:10

Finally find the groomer (in Mystic) who is going to flea-dip all four cats, and shave two of them.

11:25

Stop by Mystic Cycle to let them know that I'll have lunch there between 12:30 and 1 p.m. Hang out there for 20 minutes because I'm too early for the next stop and there's nothing else to do... (oops!)

12:00

Sit in Mike’s and Shannon’s driveway for seven minutes, listening to Mike's grandfather's dogs barking. They know I'm coming, and the barking lets them know I'm there. Not this time. I call Mike, turns out they're in Westerly waiting for me to pick the kids up at Phoenix House. Corinne mentioned it to me the day before, but I forgot. New Plan: they take the kids to Corinne at the church.

12:20

Pick up paper plates and plastic forks at the house, open all the windows.

12:35

Say hi to the kids (Richie and Lauren) at the church. Thank Corinne — who is dying from the heat — for doing all this cooking. Pack all the food into the Blazer and drive it over to Mystic Cycle. (Corinne takes the kids back to our house in the minivan.)

1:05

Lug about 50 pounds of Asiago Chicken, Spicy Penne Pasta, salad and bread up to the break room on the second floor of Mystic Cycle. Hang out with the crew while they eat (3-5 at a time) over the course of about ninety minutes.

2:30

Lug a bunch of mostly empty containers down to the Blazer and back home.

2:50

Tuck Richie in for his nap (the kids sleep VERY well here), get Lauren a sippy-cup of "cow juice" (not freshly squeezed, sorry), tuck both girls (Corinne too) in for their naps. I love that part of my day. Unpack the leftovers from lunch into kitchen, move to smaller containers, pack in fridge.

3:15

Carry my camera and bible bags back into the house. Something is bothering me, poking at me from the back of my mind, but I shrug it off. For now.

4:00

Drive back to Mystic, AGAIN, to pick up the cats. (No problem finding the groomer this time!)

4:30

Bring the cats back in.
Decide to do some work (finally!), realize I left the laptop in the car. Can't find laptop in the car. Look in the Blazer. Not there either.
Look all over the house, all three floors.
Look in the minivan again.
Blazer again.
Quietly look in my room, where the girls are sleeping.
Methodically look in every room of the house.
Now freaking out, sit down and try to recap the day in my head (as I've done here!)
Look in both cars again, and for kicks look in the Toyota, too.
Oh I know! Call Jackie at the Pride's house to ask if she accidentally grabbed it when I dropped her off this morning. “No? You sure? Oh, all right.”
Maybe Corinne had Mike get some stuff for the kids out of the car when they dropped them off at the church? So I called Mike... but NO, that couldn't be it. I had the laptop with me in the minivan, Corinne had the Blazer at the church when Mike and Shannon were there. Mike said he hadn't seen it, but to call him if I figured out what happened or found it.
Drive over to the church to see if Corinne had brought my laptop in from the car after I left with the food in the Blazer. No idea why she would do this, but I had to eliminate the possibility. No luck, of course it wasn't there.

At this point I was pretty convinced that the laptop had been stolen from the car. Mystic is a rather well-to-do town and certainly not known for this kind of thing. It's generally safe to leave your house and car unlocked all the time. But what else could it have been?

I reviewed the places I'd visited and been away from the car. There were three: Stonington Feeds, Mystic Cycle (the first time, as the second time I had the other car) and the groomer. I'd parked right in front of the window at Stoniington Feeds and could see the car the whole time. Same deal with Mystic Cycle. that left the groomer.

When I dropped the cats at the groomer, the guy mowing her lawn had chatted with me for a few minutes. He told me he used to be a photographer, but he's completely broke now so he does "this" to make ends meet. (I was sympathetic.) Was he trustworthy? I didn't like thinking along these lines (it felt somehow presumptive and prejudicial), as I liked the guy and he certainly hadn't given me any reason NOT to trust him. Still, we all know Holmes's law of deduction, right? (Eliminating the impossible.)

I was steeling myself to call the groomer to explain the situation and ask about the guy doing the lawn, when my phone rang. It was Mike.

Mike's grandfather had found a black “pouch” in the driveway when he came home, left it on the kitchen table and forgot about it. Mike saw it and investigated, and of course realized what it was.

This was great news, the laptop was in perfect condition, and of course I drove right over and picked it up.

How did the laptop end up in that driveway? As mentioned earlier, I never got out of the car, I simply waited for them to come out because of the barking, and then called to see what was taking so long... then I left because they weren't home. Should some intrepid sleuth choose to investigate, Mike will even confirm that I made some stupid joke on the phone about them not hearing their “doggie doorbell” (the barking... if I had knocked or rung a real doorbell, I would have referred to that).

I'm completely baffled. Ferhoodled, even. I'd been running errands for a couple of hours, and been in and out of the car repeatedly. It doesn't seem possible that I could have left it on the roof. Plus, since I backed out of the driveway, the laptop would have had to slide down the windshield to end up on the ground... you'd think I might have noticed that!

Corinne thinks I've lost more than my laptop. She thinks that I got out of the car and left my laptop in the middle of their driveway before driving away, and just don't remember it happening. I'm hoping that she only thinks that because we can't come up with any non-fanciful explanation. I assure you that did not happen. There's no crazy in my family (though I'm sure Ellyn and Jed would love to debate that point…), and I'm EXTREMELY protective of this laptop.

OK, maybe there's a little crazy in my family. That's beside the point. I didn't get out of the car, I didn't put the laptop in the driveway, and I didn't then get back in the car and leave without it.

How did my laptop end up in that driveway, and unscathed?!

Personally, I believe something happened that I simply don't know about. The possibilities are endless.

PMC Fundraising : Interview on Your Mac Life

seth@macrobyte.net — Thu, 23 Jul 2009 16:19:32 GMT

Yesterday, Shawn King of Your Mac Life (a popular internet radio show) interviewed me for almost 30 minutes about the PMC Software project. It was taped earlier in the day, but he played the whole thing during the show.

Give it a listen, here or download the MP3 file:

The archive of the full show is here.

I managed to talk a little about my work, Bare Bones, various donors, why I'm raising money even though I'm not actually riding in the PMC this year, and lots of other things.

Other than how often I say “um,” I'm pretty happy with it.

PMC Software Bundles Coming Soon

seth@macrobyte.net — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 21:17:11 GMT

I really need to start the PMC Software Bundles project this year. The PMC itself is in just two weeks!

This year the project has its own site (can't link to it yet, sorry). I'm going to open it up for the donors first (developers/companies who donate software), then when enough software has been donated the "build your bundle" page will go live for the buyers.

There's some real news to report, too: I won't be processing all the offers myself, this year! One of last year's buyers, Cindy Compton (herself a cancer survivor), has agreed to help me process the offers. Sharing the workload will certainly speed things up. I may be able to talk Corinne into helping a little, too. Anybody who had to wait days — or weeks — for me to dig out from under last year's crushing avalanche of offers will appreciate what a big deal this is.

Drowning My Sorrows?

seth@macrobyte.net — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 23:15:00 GMT

Today I was nearly "one of those people" you read about. You know, those crazy people who try to cross raging rivers in their cars because it "didn't look that deep." Those people who end up washed out to sea or found at the bottom of a drainage ditch.

It rained like mad today. Definitely the hardest rain we've had here in years. We got nearly five inches in five to six hours here in Westerly.

Joe Cascio had asked me to meet him in Watch Hill for coffee, at 1:30. By 1:15 the lightning had finally let up, so I left. Didn't get very far, though. Less than a half mile from the house, I tried to cross what looked like a very deep puddle. There was a car in the oncoming lane that was just sitting there... and I found, too late, that behind him the water was both much too deep and moving very fast.

I got stuck, and the rain kept falling. Here's a movie of it:

Happy Birthday, Richie

seth@macrobyte.net — Sat, 20 Jun 2009 22:07:49 GMT

Richie (Lauren's big brother) turned five yesterday.

We didn't get to see him, but I hope he had a good day. Eric Pride told me that he and Bonny miss him (so do we).

Still coming to grips with all this. In spite of Mike completely flipping out there at the end, I'm missing them all pretty intensely. But especially Lauren. Every time I think of seeing her again (hopefully someday soon), I get a jolt of pain like I've touched a live wire.

They're Gone

seth@macrobyte.net — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 21:19:57 GMT

This morning, Mike and Shannon took Richie and Lauren, and left.

I mentioned this on Twitter, but couldn't possibly tell the whole back story there for all the friends who don't know any of it. So here's the back story in the form of a timeline. After the history lesson is a recap of what happened today.

December 12, 2006	Corinne introduces everybody to Mike and Shannon and explains what we're planning to do, and why. Read this one, it's the most important.
January 3, 2007	I write an abbreviated update on the status of our burgeoning family. It describes our first few visits with M&S, and how we felt about them.
January 3, 2007	A parallel update from Corinne about Shannon & Mike.
January 17, 2007	Mike and Shannon come to visit us at home for the first time (in Mystic), and we ask them to move in with us.
February 3, 2007	The four of us are learning to coexist.
February 24, 2007	More learning, and dates are set for Shannon's c-section (Lauren's birth), and their sentencing at court. Just eleven days apart.
March 2, 2007	Shannon goes to the hospital and Lauren is born
March 13, 2007	The sentencing. Mike gets 22 months, Shannon gets 20. We now have legal guardianship of Lauren, and leave the courthouse with her but without her parents.
March 31, 2007	Our first visit with Mike in prison.
April 11, 2007	Our first visit with Shannon in prison. Took a lot longer to see her because they thought she was a suicide risk and had her basically "locked down". We did get to talk to her on the phone a number of times, though.
July 26-27, 2007	A couple updates on Lauren. Some pictures for her fan club and the story of her first visit to the doctor.
August 2, 2007	Shannon calls to let us know that she is now in a halfway house.
August 23, 2007	Shannon, now in a halfway house, gets to keep Lauren for a couple of nights. I drove Lauren down there (2 hours each way) but forgot to leave her suitcase. Oops.
October 26, 2007	Corinne and I drive down to Norwalk to meet with Shannon and her therapist about setting "rules" for her when she comes home.
January 4, 2008	Status update, including a cute picture of Lauren from New Year's Day. We were preparing for Shannon to come home form the halfway house.
January 16, 2008	Shannon gets in trouble again, just days before she was supposed to come home.
January 17, 2008	She gets off with a warning.
January 24, 2008	The same day that I bring Shannon home from the halfway house, we're evicted because the landlords want to sell the house. (Eventually, they agree to give us to the end of the year because of Shannon's and Mike's situations.)
February 11, 2008	In spite of the home inspection officer telling us that Shannon would be "washing his car for a living", she starts working at the Staples in New London, CT.
March 2, 2008	Happy First Birthday, Lauren Deane!
March 19, 2008	Lauren learns to walk. Cool pictures.
May 3, 2008	Important. Shannon starts going to school for massage therapy. This is a big deal, as it means she'll have a trade. It's like a light at the end of the tunnel: we won't have to support them forever. (I don't resent it, but I don't want it to continue indefinitely.) Also, I go to court with her to help her get back custody of her son Richie.
May 4, 2008	Lauren's dancing debut. This is only here for the smiles. Mine.
June 23, 2008	Lauren and I attempt to go camping with the ecclesia. Hah. Better luck next time.
October - December, 2008	A Chronology of Chaos — Richie comes to live with us in October. My parents, who lived with us for a few months, move to Missouri the week before Thanksgiving. Dad comes back a week later to tie up some loose ends and sleeps in my office because their old room is now Richie's. We all move to Westerly, RI, in December, and Dad returns to Missouri.
January 9, 2009	Mike comes home from prison. Shannon and I pick him up. All the moving is done! (I never wrote about this here on [tw], but I don't remember why.) He settles in quickly and we all get along well. He's great around the house and is a fastidious house keeper and yard worker. He's great with both kids.
March 2, 2009	Happy second birthday, Lauren!

Since then things have just kept on keeping on. Except...

Today Things Get Ugly

Shannon got sick a few weeks ago. Stomach cramps, in the area of her appendix, but they said it wasn't appendicitis. She spent a few days in the hospital, but they never figured out what was wrong. She improved, but still walked with a limp. Her Massage Therapy instructor said she felt a torn muscle in her abdomen, and Shannon was pretty sure that was it.

She stopped going to school. The first few days were understandable: she was in the hospital, or could barely walk. But then she'd miss because she felt a little nauseous (oh, forgot to mention they got pregnant again). Corinne and I were concerned she was losing her motivation.

This morning she stayed home again. Corinne found out while I was taking my shower, and asked her about it. Mike told me she was home while I was eating my breakfast. He said the school didn't care if she missed the days, she'd be able to make it up. Shannon came into the room and I asked her about it. She gave me a completely different story from Mike... basically she sounded defeated. Making up all of her "logs" (practice massages) and schoolwork would be too much work. She'd even have to drive to Hartford (90 minutes)!

I told her/them that she can't drop out, passively or otherwise. We can't support their family forever. Her Massage Therapy certificate was the “end game”: it was to be their ticket to self-sufficiency. Mike, getting angry, said she still has her job at Staples, and they'll keep paying us our $60 per week. (Which covered their two cell phones, but not much else.)

“Don't yell at her about this, it's her choice,” he said. Now I was mad. I tried to explain that this “choice” of hers is costing me money. Everything I said resulted in the same response, almost a dozen times, “It's her choice.”

I don't remember, now, exactly how it happened, but Mike said they'd move out by the end of the week. Entirely out of anger, and now to my regret, I told him to be out within the hour. By this time, we were in the basement (their apartment).

We went upstairs, and he held the kitchen door open. I'm not sure why, as (most?) everybody else was outside. I started to go through the open door, but he snarled, “Don't you touch that door.” Well, I wasn't going to, but telling me not to touch my own door... bah. Anger sucks. I touched it. “What, do you want to fight me?” Sure. Let's go outside.

No, I had no intention of fighting him. I just wanted to say goodbye to the little girl.

Somehow, he ended up over by Shannon's car, talking to her, while I was still inside. I don't remember waiting to go out, but I must have. When I came out, I asked what they were still doing there. “We're leaving!” I told him he wasn't leaving, he was standing there talking.

I walked over to the back door, passenger side, to say goodbye to Lauren. Shannon yelled, “Don't touch my kid!” and Mike came flying around the car. I said I was just going to say goodbye to her, and Mike said I wasn't. Yes, though, I was. I opened the door before Mike could block it, and, well...

He punched me in the left ear. Big roundhouse punch. Maybe it's my height, or my size, or maybe he pulled it at the last moment, but it didn't really hurt. Definitely surprised me, though I didn't fall down or anything. Shannon yelled, “Michael!” I looked at him and said, “You're crossing a line you can't ever come back from.” (Ok, so it was a little awkward, but he knew what I meant and so do you.)

Then I walked back to the car, opened the door (again), and calmly told Lauren I loved her very much, to please be a good girl, and that I may not see her ever again. Mike was trying to pull me away, but I just ignored him. She was scared and confused, but Opa was talking to her calmly so maybe it was going to be ok. She gave me a little smile, and said she'd be a good girl.

I went inside and talked to Corinne. I was crying. Two and a half years of our life had been devoted to helping Mike and Shannon straighten themselves out and become (legally) self-supporting... all destroyed by pride. Probably pride on both sides.

Shannon came back about 90 minutes later with a Westerly cop. He was just her escort as she got some of their stuff, because (she said) she didn't feel comfortable going to the house alone.

We haven't seen or heard from them since. They have no diapers, food, or money. A few clothes. They're probably going to live with Mike's grandfather in North Stonington, but we don't know for sure.

We're both really worried about the kids, Richie and Lauren. Mike and Shannon can fend for themselves (mostly). The kids don't deserve this insanity. :-(

Bare Bones Released BBEdit 9.2

seth@macrobyte.net — Thu, 07 May 2009 23:02:19 GMT

BBEdit 9.2 was released today.

(Sorry about having two BBEdit-related posts in a row like this. I have other things to talk about too, trust me. I'm just warming up again.)

I played a small part, again. Most of my time was spent on the brand-new Lasso module. There are 168 changes in the official change notes. (There were actually a lot more than 168 changes, trust me.) The excerpt listed below includes those I'm particularly happy about or with which I was personally involved.

The blue stuff, below, is what I worked on or was somehow directly involved with.

Additions

✫ BBEdit now has a “Sleep” command. ✫
Lasso is now a fully supported language, with syntax coloring, functions listed in the function popup, and automatically generated fold points.
There’s a new color setting in the Text Colors preference: “Numeric Constants”. This can also be adjusted on a per-language basis in the appropriate language’s settings (in the “Languages” preferences).
Added a feature to the language module interface for giving the module control over resolution of include file references.
The Menus preferences now has a group of commands so that you can assign keyboard equivalents to operations in FTP/SFTP browsers, if desired.
There’s a new setting in the “Editing” tab for language-specific preferences (Preferences -> Languages): “Tab width”. Edit the value here to set a language-specific value for the default tab width. (I — and probably others — requested this.)
✫ BBEdit now implements the necessary hooks so that the following JavaScript functions now work when using “Preview in BBEdit”: window.alert, window.confirm, window.prompt, window.onbeforeunload ✫
Disk browsers can now explore tarballs (.tar, .tar.gz, .tgz files). When an eligible file is in the listing, it will have a disclosure triangle next to it. Twist it open to reveal the files and directories within. As with other items displayed in disk browser listings, you can view files in the editor view, or double-click them to open in a separate window for editing.

Changes

✫ The internal mechanics and UI presentation for recent items have been overhauled. ✫

I love this one, as the redesigned "Open Recent" menu item is much more usable.

Fixes

Fixed a bug in the ActionScript function parser. No longer tripped up by a function return type of * (which is the explicit way of typing something as “untyped”).
Fixed a bug which allowed ActionScript’s get to be recognized as a function-starter in JavaScript files (similar to the function keyword).
Fixed possible cause of a crash related to populating the function popup in JavaScript files.
Fixed missing fold widgets for fold ranges containing a single line break.
Fixed crash when JavaScript functions with assigned names, such as foo.bar[bat] = function() {...}, were not in a recognized/expected form.
Fixed bug in which using “Save As” did not change the document’s language if the default was something other than “(none)”. This change also addresses a bug in which the document’s language wasn’t recalculated if the file’s name changed on disk.
A variety of changes have been made to reduce application startup time.
Fixed a bug in the Ruby module which would cause a multi-line, general delimited input string (%+string+) to fold incorrectly (the closing fold point was one character too soon).
Fixed a bug in the Ruby module where Begin/End blocks could cause fold points to be be placed at seemingly random places in the document.
Fixed a bug in the Ruby module where complete for or while loops, written on a single line and within curly braces, could throw off the folding for the entire document.
Fixed a bug in the TeX module in which a $math$ section within a {required param}, where the $math$ section contained a closing curly brace (e.g. \caption{foo $i_{0}$ foo}), would confuse the parser. This tended to manifest as incorrect autofolds and improper indentation in the function popup.
The Ruby module will no longer detect regular expressions as the first token immediately after a string or another regular expression. This resolves a syntax coloring bug found with the syntax used by the Merb framework (which uses an overloaded ”/” method.)

Now go buy a copy. Or two. Please. More sales at BB means more work for me. (Blah blah blah |BEdit Disclaimer|)

Apple's Changes Can't Rattle These Bones

seth@macrobyte.net — Mon, 04 May 2009 23:44:16 GMT

Last week I got an email from John Mello, a reporter working for Mac News World. He asked if, as a BBEdit user, I'd be willing to be interviewed for a story he was writing about Bare Bones. I said yes, and later we talked on the phone for about a half hour.

The article is now published, entitled Apple's Changes Can't Rattle These Bones. Kinda clever.

Among BBEdit's merits cited by the code warrior are its support of multiple languages, syntax coloring, code folding and HTML editing and preview, as well as speedy performance and powerful search features. Not only can it perform a search and replace on multiple files, but it will display the results of a search in a separate window for easy review and manipulation.

Hey he called me a code warrior. That's so much nicer than code monkey! (I'm mentioned by name a couple paragraphs earlier.)

The article is, um… a bit fluffy. It never claims to be otherwise! You can't do a one-page "company profile" as hard news.

He never mentioned my rant about email clients, even though we talked about them extensively. (No surprise he didn't mention it, I really do rant.) I was slightly surprised to find that he never mentioned my relationship with the company (which is currently on hold, but hopefully not for long...). Sean was surprised, too.

A significant point I made in our conversation ("interview") that I honestly thought he'd cover: all the editors give you a decent space to type your code. You don't differentiate editors based on which one gives you the best typing experience. Know what I mean? All of the good editors provide a decent space for entering your text. What matters to me is all the other stuff that I expect of my editor: language support, syntax coloring, code folding, performance and — perhaps most important of all — really powerful search and replace.

Anyway, I don't seem to get into the news these days for anything except the PMC, so it was cool for that alone, if nothing else. :-)

MarsEdit 2.3 Is Out

seth@macrobyte.net — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 15:57:43 GMT

Red Sweater has released MarsEdit 2.3! (Congratulations, Daniel.)

Obviously I haven't been writing much, lately, but that has to change if I'm going to do the PMC software bundles again this year. Maybe I'll start using MarsEdit and BBEdit together again.

The new MarsEdit's biggest new feature is probably it's support for Tumblr, but that doesn't affect me. What I'm happiest about is the improved Media Browser. It already hooked up to Flickr, but Daniel put some work into optimizing the experience when choosing photos to include in posts. That's handy for me, since I include so many pictures of the kids. :-)

Speaking of the kids, here's a recent favorite picture of Lauren. Just because.

Five Years

seth@macrobyte.net — Thu, 12 Mar 2009 12:27:58 GMT

sell me your suffering
dear one
for a nickel
tis all I have
but I'll have it all
 
“take it
away, away with it
(but not too far)
oh how I miss him”
 
the nickel was not enough
burning still, never cooled by tears
the nickel was not enough
but it helped

(Explanation: Shane died 5 years ago today. If you still don't understand the poem, imagine I'm talking, Corinne responding, and then me again. Better?)