Truer Words - A Journal

Happy New Year, One and All

seth@macrobyte.net — Mon, 01 Jan 2007 16:22:11 GMT

2006 was a good year for me and mine, in many ways.

To all of my family near and far, to my ecclesia here and worldwide, to all of my friends new and old, close or distant:

Happy
New Year!

Hoping 2007 will be even better, for all of us...

2003 ACS Relay for Life

seth@macrobyte.net — Sat, 31 May 2003 17:14:43 GMT

To everyone who sponsored me in the relay last night: Thank You! I really appreciate it. You know who you are.

This was my third year, and it was definitely the best so far, mostly because there were even more people. Our team was bigger (more from the ecclesia decided to participate this year), and there simply a lot more people there. Also, Ellyn and family really did a nice job of setting up the team "camp site," so there was food and nice chairs.

Two years ago it was very hot. Last year it was very cold. Last night there was a chance of rain, but it never happened (surprising, considering the rain we've had this year). Temps were in the upper sixties, with no breeze, which is perfect for walking.

I walked from 10:10 to 11:10 PM, and went around the track eleven times. Afterwards, I made myself a steak-and-pepper sandwich on the grill, and hung around chatting with Ellyn, Mark, Jed, Eric, Avonlee, Jasmyne, Bonnie, Mandi, and Katie (listed in the order I remember them sitting around the circle) until 1 AM.

Eric was threatening to fall asleep in his chair, and I was feeling a little too comfy in mine, so I went home when he started setting up the tent for he and Av (daughter). Bonny was home with the boys, she was going to walk this morning.

Really had a great time, I wish we could have get-togethers like this (with or without the teeming masses of strangers) more often.

Next up: my first century is next Saturday (one week), and then there's the PMC on August 2nd, for which I still need to raise at least $1100.

My Best Writing, My Worst Days

seth@macrobyte.net — Thu, 22 May 2003 11:01:55 GMT

Why is my best writing always about death?

Depressing thought, huh? Years later, my 'eulogies' to Roy and Dave can still jerk a tear out of some of my friends who knew them, and I think the one about Wixie is just as good.

Yes, writing from pain is a well documented form of inspiration. It still bothers me that those are the three pieces I remember best.

(On the other hand, based on the number of hits certain pages get, the guests to this site only care about Japanese Red Maples, Manchurian "Miss Kim" Lilacs, and my sister's Wedding Rehearsal Dinner... none of which have anything to do with my writing, and everything to do with my photos.)

I'm Sick of Cancer

seth@macrobyte.net — Sun, 30 Mar 2003 19:56:42 GMT

I'm sick of cancer.

Do you know anyone who has had cancer? If not, you're lucky, definitely in a minority. There are an awful lot of people out there with it, or who had it and survived. There are a lot more who have died from it.

This year I'm walking in the American Cancer Society's Relay for Life (in Westerly, RI), and riding in the Pan-Mass Challenge. Both of these are fund-raising events, and I need your help.

Please read the full essay to find out how you can help.

Remember Dave

seth@macrobyte.net — Thu, 17 Oct 2002 10:01:32 GMT

It's been one year since we said goodbye to Dave Bilello. Eric reminded me early this morning.

We still miss him, and we still imitate him at every opportunity. It's a salve for this wound that heals much too slowly.

Thinking about our loss -- his early rest -- still chokes me up, and brings a tear to my eye.

2001 was framed with the death of dear friends and punctuated with 911. What a lousy year.

This has been a Tough Week

seth@macrobyte.net — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 15:57:47 GMT

This has been a tough week. Dave's been on my mind almost constantly.

I think what bothers me the most is thinking about all the things he's not going to experience. That's not all of it, though... frankly, I'm going to miss him.

We'd been a lot less involved since I married Corinne, and of my closest friends he'd always been the "least close" (if that makes any sense).

I realized that fact last night. Then I completely freaked myself out by wondering how badly I'd be affected if someone even closer to me were to die, like one of my parents, or Jed or Sarah, or Darren, or Mark... or worst of all, Corinne.

Shudder...

Whoa, I think I'll avoid that one from now on. It's a pointless worry, anyway.

I know I'm not the only one feeling this way. Poor Karen, Dave's sister, is hurting a lot worse than I am. So is their dad. Jed and Mark lived with Dave for the last few years, while I've been making a life with Corinne... they're surely hurting a lot more than I am, too. Eric and Bonny were sort of a cross between Dave's best friends and a two-headed surrogate mother... I know Eric's miserable (but not constantly), because he wears his heart on his sleeve even more than I do. Darren is probably feeling an awful lot like I am (though he expresses it differently), which is more than I'd wish on anybody.

There's always hope, and I don't think any of us have forgotten or doubted that for a second. The pain comes from the loss we feel now. Hope doesn't make pain go away, it just helps you bear it and cope with it.

Tonight's the funeral, and tomorrow Dave will be buried on Long Island, presumably near his mother's grave. (I won't be at the burial.)

Corinne will be at the big cat show in New Jersey on Saturday and Sunday. I'm really, really hoping to spend time with a few people this weekend... hopefully they're all thinking the same way.

Go spend some time with the people you love, especially those you see the least. You just never know what tomorrow will bring.

Saying Goodbye to My Friend, Dave Bilello

seth@macrobyte.net — Wed, 17 Oct 2001 09:04:15 GMT

I just received a terrible phone call.

My friend and brother Dave Bilello died just a few minutes ago.

Shock, and tears, and sorrow... and maybe a little relief. He was suffering, badly, and now his nightmare is over.

And ours begins.

Dave is the crankiest, most caustic, most irritating, and without a doubt the funniest person I've ever known in my entire life. Every friend he has considers it a point of honor to be able to imitate him at the right moment.

He's a New Yorker, from Long Island.

Everybody loves Dave. Even (especially) those that couldn't stand him. He's a paradox: the attitude of a giant, or a jock, or a genius... impossibly stuffed into a small, frail, asthmatic, insomniac body.

Playing Basketball with Dave -- even just a game of HORSE! -- is a lesson in pain and humility. Elbows, man... sharpened to a razor's edge.

What Dave lacked in physique he more than made up for with his wit. There are certain things that one can say or do around anyone who knows him, which immediately bring Dave into the conversation. Some examples?

"Bicuspid of a Keebler Elf"
"Bicuspid of a Great White Shark"
"Nephie"
Making a loud thumping sound come from the floor, without appearing to move a muscle
"Clacking" his teeth, repeatedly
One quick, frustrated sigh... with his mouth half open
Wrecking his cars!
"I just want to get home alive!"

Dave and I were roommates for a few years. First we shared an apartment with Eric and Bonny Pride, and later with Mark Drake. When I moved out (work related), Jed took my place, and the three of them have lived there ever since.

I have so many memories of Dave... I've known him for most of my life. Things changed some after I met Corinne, but Dave's still one of the few people in my 'inner circle' of friends.

I don't want to believe it.

Sleep on now, Dave. Like those who went before you, we know you'll be back, better than ever before.

Romans 8:18-21
18* For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not
worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.
19* For the earnest expectation of the creature waiteth for the
manifestation of the sons of God.
20* For the creature was made subject to vanity, not willingly,
but by reason of him who hath subjected the same in hope,
21* Because the creature itself also shall be delivered from the
bondage of corruption into the glorious liberty of the children
of God.

Dave Update

seth@macrobyte.net — Sun, 14 Oct 2001 22:06:51 GMT

I saw Dave tonight.

He looks really bad. In fact, I was speechless when I first walked into the room. The nurse explained that he looked extra bad because his medication was exhausting him.

I'm told that the cancer is advanced, and should have been caught earlier. It would have been, if we'd known that the abdominal and back pains he was experiencing weren't a natural result of having his stomach removed last year.

What a mess.

Dave's cousin Andy -- possibly Dave's best friend, and someone he's always looked up to -- came up Friday night and will be going home Tuesday morning. He'll probably come back next weekend or early the following week, hopefully with his wife.

What a mess.

It's Cancer

seth@macrobyte.net — Thu, 11 Oct 2001 14:28:00 GMT

Corinne and I just got back from the hospital. Dave's biopsy results came back, and he has liver cancer in two parts of his liver, and they also see something in his lungs that is "probably cancer". The doctors are recommending against surgery at this point.

Dave doesn't know yet, he was sleeping. His sister Karen is going to tell him when some other people are around.

(Keep in mind that all of this information is from his very upset sister, but she seemed to be very much on top of things.)

Karen said that she hasn't seen any of Dave's chutzpah since they did the biopsy on Tuesday. Dave usually has an attitude a mile wide, so "no chutzpah" is a bad sign. Apparently he hasn't eaten since Saturday, other than a bowl of jello on Tuesday evening.

Sigh.

Dave's Liver

seth@macrobyte.net — Tue, 09 Oct 2001 22:04:38 GMT

The latest report on Dave is that he has a tumor in his liver, and the biopsy they did today didn't go well and he's in a lot of pain.

We didn't see him today, but we will tomorrow.

Dave's At It Again

seth@macrobyte.net — Mon, 08 Oct 2001 10:53:00 GMT

My Friend Dave Bilello, who had his stomach removed last year, is back in the hospital again.

They're not sure what's going on yet, but the doctors have seen spots on his liver in the XRAYs. His mother died of liver cancer, so Dave's really scared and angry right now.

Corinne and I will be spending some time at the hospital today, to visit him.

Quick Update on Dave

seth@macrobyte.net — Fri, 06 Oct 2000 11:43:43 GMT

My friend Dave Bilello is out of the ICU, and all of the tubes have been removed. He still has a ways to go before he'll be throwing elbows on the basketball court again, but the worst is behind him now.

Here's to a quick recovery, Dave!

My Friend, Dave Bilello

seth@macrobyte.net — Thu, 28 Sep 2000 14:40:02 GMT

In my rundown of how topsy-turvy last week was, I somehow forgot to mention one of the biggest items on the list.

My friend and former roommate, Dave Bilello, told us two weeks ago (Wednesday, September 13) that he had been to the doctor about his stomach pains, and they had found loads of polyps, some of which appeared to be changing (risk of cancer).

Almost exactly a year ago, emergency surgery had been performed to remove another part of his digestive tract (nevermind!) for the same reason.

This time, he said, they were going to have to remove his stomach. His Stomach!!!

The surgery was yesterday morning, at Beth Israel Hostpital in New York City (or, as he would actually say, "they gutted him like a fish, yesterday"). They did in fact remove his entire stomach, as they found that none of it was salvageable.

Since then, the reports we've been given tell us that he's not doing well at all. To quote from an email I received this morning:

When the nurses were checking his vitals last night at 11:30, they had a very difficult time getting him to respond. Throughout the night as things happened, they would call Karen to keep her informed. We know he had at least one seizure and his heart is weak. He is also anemic.

He is still in Intensive Care because he's been in so much pain that they wanted to keep a close eye on him. (Good thing he was still in there from the sound of things.)

Here's another quote from an email a few hours later:

A ct scan was done, no brain damage, no internal bleeding. He does have pneumonia and a collapsed lung. He is in ICU and on respirator and will probably stay on it 2-3 days. He possibly may have had a heart attack also. His heart is showinf weakness, apparantley he has history of a heart murmur as a child, this info being passed on to the cardiologist on his case. He also has had a blood transfusion as he is very anemic.

Fine, I know that almost nobody reading this knows who Dave is. That's why this is my journal!

Oh, almost forgot: Dave's only in his early thirties.