Truer Words - A Journal

Travelogue: Moving Gramma and Grampa from FL to RI

seth@macrobyte.net — Tue, 11 Nov 2008 22:57:29 GMT

Ellyn, Gramma, Grampa and I flew to Florida a few weeks ago to pack up G+G's house and drive all the stuff back to RI. I meant to write the whole story down at the time, but we can put that good intention in the same bucket as all the other writing I was going to do this year.

So, here's a quick recap.

(To get started: Ellyn and I got along great, there wasn't any trouble, but please color everything in the rest of this travelogue with the fact that I was traveling without Corinne and missed her quite badly. That may be the most memorable part of the trip, for me.)

The flight down (via SouthWest) was pretty uneventful, as it should be. We shepherded G+G through TSA without much difficulty. While waiting at the gate, Gramma just sat down and waited for us to tell her it was time to get in line, and Grampa kept getting in line too early. He is too easily bored. ;-)

Brad (my Dad's and Ellyn's brother) picked us up in his old clunker at the Tampa airport, took us to the grocery story and then to the house.

That right there indicates the first problem we had: we didn't rent a car. Their car was in RI already.

Brad picked us up again Thursday morning so we could get the Penske rental truck and have a little tour of his business. The truck wasn't ready yet, though, so he let us borrow his jalopy for a few hours, and we returned it when the rental was ready a few hours later.

Ellyn pointed out that I always manage to forget something. This time, it was my sneakers. Sigh. So, on the was back to swap Brad's vehicle and the Penske, we stopped at the New Balance store and I picked up a pair of size 16 New Balance 622's. I was going to get 609's (which is what I left at home), but the "fit expert" at the store got all snooty and said they only manufacture *those* for department stores and factory outlets. Well excuuuuuuuuse me! ;-)

The Penske was our only means of running errands for the rest of the day, but Thursday night I packed a lot of boxes into the truck so we couldn't drive it at all on Friday (can't move the truck until it's all packed, as things will fall and break).

Friday morning I NEEDED COFFEE so Grampa and I were going to walk to Dunkin Donuts. It was sprinkling when we left, but by the time we got to the Camelot Lakes (the community where they lived) entrance it was pouring and I felt really stupid to have my 81 year old grandfather out in the rain like that (even if it was his idea). We headed back to the house, and about halfway there JAMES Wilkinson (his emphasis) happened by and offered me a ride to Dunkin Donuts, as long as I promised not to call him Jim. Ever. Grampa continued home without me, on foot.

I'm not kidding about calling him JAMES. :-D

I was fed up with not having a ride, and we needed more supplies, so I rented a little car from Enterprise. Why Enterprise? Because "they'll pick you up!" They did. No brown paper wrapped around the car, though, so I was quite disappointed. Driver said it's easier to see without the paper. FALSE ADVERTISING.

Other than taking Grampa to the bank (an experience I'd rather forget) to get money for our homeward-bound travel expenses, the rest of the day was spent packing boxes and the truck. By Friday night almost everything was in the truck that wasn't still needed (or actually staying) in the house.

Friday evening I drove G+G to (Uncle) Brad's house for dinner, and re-met a couple of my cousins. This wasn't really our first meeting, but it's been years and they're still in high school so they didn't really remember me and they've changed a lot since I last saw them.

Dinner was spaghetti, with "home assembled" sauce by Uncle Brad. After dinner he wanted to go for a walk but Grampa wasn't up for it. He suggested some games, but Grampa just wanted to lay down. While he went to snooze in the living room in front of a game, Brad mentioned that my Dad had "schooled him" at Boggle last year when he visited. "I think I'm pretty good, but your father is much better."

Sigh. Yes, we played. I won't be too graphic on the carnage that ensued... in fact I'll just say that I, at least, had fun with that game. ;-)

After driving back to G+G's house, they went to bed and Ellyn and I did a bunch more packing (and went to the pool, and got kicked out for being there too late).

Saturday morning we finished packing the truck, said goodbye to Gramma and Grampa (they would be spending a few days with friends and then flying home on Wednesday), returned the car and hit the road!

Added later:

Oh, one more funny detail. I lost my shades at Enterprise when I returned the car. I looked all through the car and near the rental counter, but couldn't find them. An older lady wanted the car I was returning and was already sitting in it before I had even given the keys to the guy at the counter, but she assured me that she hadn't seen the shades.

I was very frustrated. These Oakley's were a gift and fit me perfectly, but after looking all over the Penske I gave up and decided they were just gone.

About 30 minutes later, I saw their reflection in the windshield. They were on the dashboard, but had fallen down so I couldn't see them. Still, they were right in front of the driver's seat, where I was sitting, so that felt a little silly.

The trip home was mostly uneventful. There was a major traffic jam in the middle of nowhere (GA), bad enough that Ellyn got out and walked far enough to be completely out of sight (trying to find out what had happened). In South Carolina we made a pit stop and I saw this ransom note right at the restaurant:

We stopped at the halfway point in North Carolina and got a two-double-beds room for next to nothing. The walls were cinderblock with wallpaper (Ellyn interjects here that she's sure she saw it on CSI, the site of some grisly murder...). The hotel was called the Red Carpet Inn, but they carpet was dark green. Ellyn was more than uncomfortable, but it was somewhere to sleep.

Sunday was slightly more eventful (but only slightly). Can I just state for the record that I HATE NEW JERSEY!? What's the deal with Route 95, huh? This would be the World's Busiest Highway (if I'm not mistaken), running from northern Maine to southern Florida, right? SO WHY DOES IT END IN NJ? How can they do that?

We'd talked about this ahead of time. We both knew that we needed to get on the NJ Turnpike when it splits off of Route 95. I95 goes to Philadelphia, then swings back into NJ and abruptly ends. The NJTP goes all the way through the state and magically turns back into I95 again in NY.

Talking about it in advance didn't matter. Grampa called just as we approached NJ. Ellyn drove for just 2.5 hours for the entire trip home (she would have driven more if I had asked, don't worry), and just happened to be the one driving when Grampa called. She was just distracted enough to not notice that we were on the wrong side of the split until it was too late. (This wasn't a real big deal, it just added 20 minutes to our trip.)

I picked the George Washington Bridge instead of the Tappan Zee. Why? Because I forgot that the GW is bad on Sunday nights. That's another 90 minutes added to the trip. At some point I also made a wrong turn and we saw a bit more of NJ than we had wanted too (which is not hard to do when you don't want to be there in the first place).

Once past the bridge it was clear sailing all the way to my house (other than yet another stop for the small-bladdered-one). I parked the truck out front and grabbed my stuff, she ran into the house for a minute (ahem!) and then drove it the last 15 miles to her house.

We did it!

But That's NOT All, Folks!

That's just stage one. Next up: my parents are moving to Missouri the week of November 16th (next week). Then Gary, Ellyn, Katie, Tom, Gramma and Grampa are moving from Westerly to the new house in Bradford, at the end of November or very beginning of December (as long as there are no more problems). Finally Corinne, Shannon, Lauren, Richie (?), me, four birds and four cats are all moving to Westerly in early-to-mid December.

Oh, and Mike comes home January 10th.

Florida for a Few Days

seth@macrobyte.net — Wed, 22 Oct 2008 14:58:27 GMT

Ellyn (my Dad's sister, but more like my sister) and I, along with Gramma and Grampa (her parents) are flying down to Floriday this afternoon. My grandparents live with Ellyn in RI now, but their stuff is still all down in their house in Sarasota. We're going to spend Thursday and Friday packing a truck (when Ellyn isn't relaxing by the pool... ;-) with their stuff, and then Ellyn and I will drive it back Saturday and Sunday.

Actually, Ellyn's going to do all the driving and I'm just going to sit in the passenger seat whining, "Are we there yet?" Just for old time's sake.

(We're all moving in the next few months, and this is just the first step.)

Gramma and Grampa will fly back next week.

Twenty Eight Years

seth@macrobyte.net — Thu, 18 Sep 2008 15:09:25 GMT

Shane Michael Ray Kilhefner should have been twenty eight years old today.

One would expect today to be one of the most difficult days of the year for Corinne, but it's actually somewhat cathartic. More difficult are the six weeks leading up to his birthday. I can't say that she thinks about him more during those weeks, it just seems that the anticipation of his birthday is worse than the day itself.

What's hard for me is to hear her reminisce about being pregnant with him. Those last six weeks of pregnancy when she just wanted to meet him and was so excited about it. When she could feel every kick, every turn, every hiccup.

Hearing her talk about it chokes me up. Just thinking about it chokes me up.

Anyway, as I've suggested, Corinne seems to be dealing with it fine today. She's out with Lauren for the day, and will spend some time with Ellyn before bringing Lauren back so they can both have their naps.

My Best Friend's Birthday

seth@macrobyte.net — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 21:11:45 GMT

Happy Birthday Corinne!

I guess it's a little unfortunate that our anniversary and wedding fall so closely together, and also that the PMC happens in the same month. We spend a lot of money (a lot for us, anyway) every year at the PMC, and then it seems like Corinne gets a little gypped every year because her birthday falls two weeks after those other big events.

It also didn't help that I seemed to be a little grumpy this morning. I didn't know it, and I don't know what would have caused it, but I'm not denying it!

Anyway, we did have some fun. We took Lauren to a local "town farm" in Groton, and she started screaming "buck buck!" at the top of her lungs as soon as she saw the free-range chickens. A few minutes later her screams changed to, "Baaaaa! BAAAAAAAAAAAA!" when she saw the sheep way down at the other end of the fence (and then ran all the way to them).

If you see Corinne around, make sure you wish her a happy birthday (even if it's belated), and give her a vigorous hug. No wimpy hugs, please. ;-)

Eleven Years Together

seth@macrobyte.net — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 13:50:46 GMT

Happy Anniversary Corinne!

As of yesterday (August 3), Corinne and I have been married for eleven years.

Eleven years of knowing, believing, and being reassured that we chose wisely and correctly. Eleven years of knowing that we're both with the right person. Eleven years of feeling completed and complemented and balanced.

We've seen each other through a lot of big things in those years. Bad things like my bike accident in 1998, real poverty, the near failure of my business, and of course Shane's death. Lots of good things, too, like kittens scampering all over the house, helping Mike and Shannon, experiencing Lauren from day 1, and watching (or even helping) each other grow and "blossom" and change in unexpected and interesting ways.

I can think of nothing in this life which is ever perfectly flawless, but nor can I imagine anyone else with whom I would want to share this imperfect life. Corinne, you are the beating of my heart, I love you.

(Sorry I didn't post this yesterday, folks. Flaky internet connection in the hotel, and I was too tired to write anything coherent.)

PMC Day 1: Sturbridge to Bourne, by the Numbers

seth@macrobyte.net — Sun, 03 Aug 2008 04:03:02 GMT

Saturday, August 2, 2008

This was my sixth year riding the PMC, and my fourth year to include the Huckleberries ride (which makes it a three-day event). Those previous three years, I was totally exhausted on Saturday morning from the hard ride on Friday.

This year was different...

PMC 2008: Day -1, "Holy Screwed Up Feet, Batman!"

seth@macrobyte.net — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 02:17:27 GMT

Thursday, July 31, 2008

“Day -1” is the travel day from home in Mystic, CT to our hotel on the MA/NY line in West Stockbridge, MA. This day is normally quite uneventful, if slightly stressful. I sleep poorly the night before (mostly due to excitement), work in the morning instead of packing, hear a little (deserved) fussing from Corinne because I haven't yet packed, then finally pack everything into the car and leave.

Things were a little different this year. I slept well, and only worked for less than an hour in the morning, while Corinne was at a doctor's appointment (checkup), and manage to pack most of my clothes before she returned. I checked my Gmail account to see if any new software donations had come in, and found that someone had donated 1,000 licenses of his app!

After Corinne returned and we finished the packing, I started loading up the minivan which we borrowed from my Dad for the trip. My bike was the last item to go in, and I was prepping it in the garage. Dad was holding Lauren, and kept "peeking" her out around the garage door so I could say "boo!" and make her giggle a little. The last time he did it, I jumped at her to get a bigger reaction... and my left foot landed squarely on an old screw on the garage floor... !

Our First Attempt at Camping

seth@macrobyte.net — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 15:09:17 GMT

This was quite a weekend.

Occasionally, our ecclesia goes camping together. It's not every year, but probably 3 out of 4 years, in mid-June. Wanting to share new experiences with Lauren, I decided to give it a go this year.

I've never camped. Maybe 30 years ago, when I was little, Jed and I used to camp out in our back yard, but otherwise I've never camped. That's ridiculous.

We all got spots near each other at the Hopeville Pond State Park (thanks to Ellyn for organizing the whole weekend). Not being a camper, I have no tent so Mark and Michelle loaned us theirs, and an air mattress. Gary and Ellyn loaned us a couple of sleeping bags, and Lauren and I headed over there Friday evening.

Mark helped me set up the tent (he wasn't staying over night) and pump up the air mattress, then we all settled in around the campfire. At about 10:30 I said goodnight to everyone because she was falling asleep on my lap and I wanted to let her sleep in the tent. After a diaper change and lots of fun taking out my contacts near total darkness, she was curled up like a kitten on one of the sleeping bags, fast asleep.

That lasted for a little over an hour. More than enough time for me to fall into a deep sleep.

Then, she woke up. Happy. VERY VERY HAPPY. She came over to me. She patted my face. She laid her head down on my chest and said "aaaaahhhhhhh", then went back to sleep for three minutes. Then she kissed my cheek and slept with her head on my arm... for a few minutes. Then she laid down completely on top of me and slept for a few more minutes. Then she tried to get into the suitcases.

This went on for hours. She wouldn't settle down, and would cry when I try to put her back on her own sleeping bag. Otherwise, she was perfectly happy... but also totally wide awake and unwilling to let me sleep.

At 3:45 AM I finally gave up. By 4, we were both back in the truck and headed home.

I think if I were ever facing torture, I could handle some pain, but they'd break me in a day or two with sleep deprivation.

I/we slept until late morning, then drove back to the camp site. Saturday night we didn't even try: just went home, got a good night's sleep, and went back again Sunday morning.

I'm glad we tried, and I hope we can try again next year when she's a year older.

Rides #37, #42 and #44: Friends, Hills, and the Slimming Effects of Lightning

seth@macrobyte.net — Tue, 10 Jun 2008 20:25:31 GMT

Corinne has been hearing about my lack of updates here on [tw] from her friends, who I think mostly just want more pictures of Lauren (I don't blame them!). I've been much too quiet lately.

I'm going to pay for that quietness, soon. The PMC is in less than two months, and I haven't raised a penny yet. What an idiot.

This particular update, however, is not about Lauren, Corinne, her friends, or the PMC. It's about my riding (and weight loss) over the last month. I'll start with:

Ride #37: Birthday Loop with Steve

Steve Davis came down on May 23rd to ride the storied Birthday Loop with me.

Steve is in fantastic shape, much better for mid-Spring than I've ever known him to be, since we started riding together years ago.

I, on the other hand, was still getting over my cold. I'd only ridden three times in the previous two weeks, and was still coughing quite a bit.

The result: Steve was very patient with me. We did the whole ride, of course, but averages only 17.5 mph. He easily could have handled a 19 mph average, which is quite impressive with all the climbing.

My stats are missing a couple of miles because my bike computer mysteriously shut off for a little while. However, Steve had exactly the same average speed as I did when we were done, so I'm just going to stick with what mine said.

Stats: 52.56 miles (84.62 km) in 3h 0' 0" for an average speed of 17.52 mph (28.20 kph).

Ride #42: Cracked 260

This ride is notable only because I finally cracked 260. That is, my weight finally dropped below it.

I thought that was quite an accomplishment, so I checked my stats for last year. EXACTLY THE SAME DATE!! Oy! Still, last year my weight was only below 260 for two days, then it went back up and stayed there for another month. This year, it's continued going down, and I'm hoping to drop below 250 before the end of the month.

How far can I drop before PMC? This will be my sixth PMC, and I've never been below 250.

Stats: 43.91 miles (70.69 km) in 2h 17' 12" for an average speed of 19.20 mph (30.91 kph).

Ride #44: Lightning Has Struck My Brain!

Sorry, the title for this ride was just a hook to get you to read the story. (Ok ok, I'll stop. I'm sure Sean, at least, is moaning by now...)

This ride was on Sunday, the beginning of our current heat wave. I left the house planning to do the birthday loop again, after spending 45 minutes carefully cleaning up my drivetrain. The first 20 miles were quite hot, but I can handle hot. After the first ten miles, I saw the storm coming in but hoped it was going to pass to the North.

No such luck.

I climbed Cossaduck hearing thunder. Second time this year I've managed to climb it "out of the saddle" from bottom to top. Once again, I forgot to set the lap timer on my bike computer, so I have no idea how much I've improved. (My first trip up the hill this year was a pitiful 4:40!!)

Heard a lot more thunder while I was on Gilliver, but they were still five or six seconds after the flash so I figured I was ok. At that point, I was riding away from the storm.

In the last mile of Route 49, just before the turn onto Wyassup, the sprinkling started and I knew the storm was going to catch me, but now I was in farm country. What was I supposed to do? I kept riding.

On Wyassup, with the thunder rolling almost constantly, I crested one of the hills telling myself "think negative thoughts! Think negative!" But, at the top of one of the two hills (I can't remember which, now, but I think it was the second), everything around me when bright purple! I'm not kidding, I thought for a split second that I'd been struck. There was enough time for me to yell "yi" before my "yikes!" was drowned out in the loudest thunder I've heard in 30 years.

I wasn't hit, obviously, but it must have been cloud-to-cloud right over head. That was exciting.

(When I was quite young, I remember standing at my grandparents back door in Berkley, MA, when lightning struck the back yard. That was some kind of loud, and I've had a love for lightning every since.)

After that, the rain started in earnest and I just rode home. That took about ten miles off the ride, but it was fun. (Now I need to clean my drive train again!)

Stats: 44.67 miles (71.91 km) in 2h 30' 21" for an average speed of 17.82 mph (28.70 kph).

Oh, and I'm now down to 254. :-D

Lauren's Dancing Debut

seth@macrobyte.net — Mon, 05 May 2008 01:49:26 GMT

This movie of Lauren dancing is almost a month old, but I just got around to uploading it.

The description on YouTube says:

Lauren was dancing like this months before she could walk. Now that she's been walking for a while, the dancing has gotten more involved: she spins circles, and puts her hand on her hand and revolves, and sometimes even puts one hand on a hip like she's doing a cha cha. Girl's got moves. This one is her dancing debut, though. ;-)

Familial Update, and Grumpy Seth's Advice on Raising a Baby

seth@macrobyte.net — Sat, 03 May 2008 17:04:23 GMT

We're still moving, probably in October. The landlord is still planning to sell this place. It's a little stressful as we've lived here over 9 years (will be ten years in October) and I really like the neighborhood. Still, if we leave the house for more than a few minutes, then we're probably headed for Westerly. Moving over there will save us five or six gallons of gas and many hours of driving every week.

Corinne seems to be looking forward to it. I don't think it's entirely because the kitchen she'll be getting is thrice the size of what we have now, but that's probably a big part of it. ;-)

Business has been decent this year. Back in December, one client sent me some money to pre-pay for some work "to be decided." Work with Bare Bones has been steady, and I finally produced a working (though incomplete) module for YAML.

Shannon is no longer working two jobs. The second job, at a Hallmark (greeting cards) store, was paying minimum wage and only giving her 12 hours per week, so after a few weeks she told them she wouldn't be coming back.

Instead, she's going to school! She got Pell grants and various other forms of financial aid to cover almost all the costs of going to the Connecticut School for Massage Therapy. She started this week. It takes (I think) 18 months to get her certificate, and when she's done she'll finally have a real, employable skill for a job that pays a lot better than retail ever will.

She'll be about half done with her schooling when Mike comes home in January.

Thursday I went to court with her in Waterford for a "status update" on her appeal to get custody back of her son Richie. Richie's father, Dick S., decided to contest it. We went to the court thinking that she was going to walk out with custody papers, and instead all we know is that this is going to take longer than we first thought. (That's good, as we've asked Shannon not to rush this. We're already doing most of the work with Lauren. Neither of us mind that, but we're not ready to add another kid to the house.)

Corinne wanted pizza on Thursday night, so I was going to take Lauren with me to get it from Olympic Pizza in Norwich. Shannon came home from work early because (in her words), she "didn't feel like working," so she went with us. On the way, we had a talk about her relationship with Lauren.

Had very late second thoughts about posting the rest of this, so for now I've taken it out. Sorry...

Nobody's Home

seth@macrobyte.net — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 15:15:55 GMT

My grandparents needed some help with "things," so Ellyn (technically, my aunt... Dad's sister) asked Corinne to go down with her for a week. Originally they were going to drive, but (thankfully) I talked them out of that idea. They flew out Tuesday afternoon, and come back on Tuesday the 22nd.

With Corinne out of the house for a week, I can't sleep at home. (Shannon's 21, her husband won't be home for another nine months, and I don't want anybody getting the wrong idea.) Since I can't stay at home, I suggested they take Lauren with them also. Shannon and I both need to work, but one of us would have to take the week off to watch Lauren full time if she had stayed at home.

Thus, my first tweet of the day, yesterday, "Woke up alone in a strange house in a small bed, far from home." (The bed was in Ellyn's & Gary's guest room.)

For most of the week they're gone I'll be working from home, but mornings from Thursday to Saturday are at Rich's house. He and his family are out of town, so I'm making friends with his gigantic, 30-inch Cinema Display and officially Getting Stuff Done™. In the afternoons I'm heading home again, going for a ride (weather is PERFECT this week), then working at home until late evening when I head back into Westerly for the night.

Yeah, I'm missing my girls. :-(

Corinne and Ellyn both report that Lauren was a nightmare on the plane down there. She screamed more often than she was quiet, and just wouldn't settle down. She slept great Tuesday night, but terribly Wednesday night and awoke everyone except Gramma. When Corinne and I last spoke, Lauren was screaming in the background.

I think my girls miss me, too. ;-)

Shannon's son Richie was supposed to be up here now for a three day visit, but that was canceled at the last minute. So Shannon is bored, but has Saturday off and is going bowling with her friend Jen.

Quick status update on Shannon: she is now working a second job at a Hallmark store, and can't seem to decide between starting a cleaning business (simply because her Mom says she could make good money doing it) and going to school for massage therapy (which is what she really wants to do). I'm strongly in favor of the massage therapy (because, as I said, it's what she really wants to do), but she also wants to get her son back. If she's working one or two jobs and going to school for massage therapy, there won't be much time left for her kids. I'm hoping she'll just keep on keeping on until Mike comes home in January.

I Hope She Understands

seth@macrobyte.net — Sat, 05 Apr 2008 18:33:15 GMT

Someday Lauren is going to be old enough to realize that not every little girl spends a big piece of her life in front of a camera. That not all of her little friends have their pictures posted on public web sites for family and friends — and strangers — to gawk at.

That not every little girl has a crazy, doting "Opa."

I hope this works out. I hope she grows up knowing that she's beautiful no matter how she looks. That even though not every picture is perfect, she's always beautiful.

I hope, in fact, that she can be the kind of girl who is confident enough in herself to be honest and comfortable with the camera, without posing. Like she does now. Not beautiful like a model, but beautiful like someone that everybody wants to love, someone who loves and gives freely.

She won't become that person just because my camera can't take its eye off her, obviously, but I hope it helps (thinking about the attitude of the people behind the camera). Confident, comfortable, happy, warm, and full of brightness. We're off to a good start, but there are big obstacles in her path...

Toddling Along...

seth@macrobyte.net — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 20:16:16 GMT

Sunday afternoon while we drove up to Norwich to pick up pizza, Shannon and I "discussed" the fact that Lauren wasn't walking yet on her own. I said she'd walk when she was ready, and that it wouldn't be long. Probably this week.

After we returned home, she went down to take a shower, and I watched Lauren. Corinne joined us in the livingroom for a little while and we talked about it. Corinne agreed with me, and agreed that Lauren would be walking very soon. She sat down on the floor and we worked on it with Lauren for a few minutes.

Shannon came back up, and I pulled out the camera. "I think she's going to walk now." Shannon and Corinne sat down on the living room floor, but before I could even turn on the camera Lauren had already walked from Corinne to Shannon. D'oh!!

Not Sure About This

Ooh! A Toy!

Catch Me!

I Love This Here Piece of Floor

That Doesn't Look
Like a Carrot

So, these are not pictures of her very first steps, but they are pictures of her first steps on the day she first did it. Good enough, I hope.

On Monday I made a video of it, which you can see right here. It's very short, just 16 seconds.

(As always, if the pictures don't show up in email, go to the web site.)

Four Long Years

seth@macrobyte.net — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 20:39:40 GMT

It has been four years today since Shane died. (Sure have been a lot of changes in our lives since then!)

Sometimes it seems like it was just yesterday. That's both good and bad. We can still remember the sound of his voice, his devilish smile, the way he and his mom loved each other. But we also remember the pain of that day, and I particularly remember how close I came to losing Corinne at the same time, and the sound of her heart breaking when she screamed.

March 12th reopens wounds every year, sheds new tears every year, rains every year. I hate this day.

On the other hand, Shane's loss is always there, in the background. The anniversary is the day when it all comes to the front. This is the day when we talk about it the most, when we deal with it directly. It's also the day when we talk about him the most. That, at least, is a good thing.

Still, we hate this day.

Happy First Birthday, Lauren!

seth@macrobyte.net — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 04:35:02 GMT

This beautiful, happy, silly, little girl is one year old, as of today. It's almost impossible to believe.

We had the birthday party at the ecclesial hall in Westerly, today. Angi Drake decorated for us, and Rachel Carlson (Corinne's friend from work) made dozens of cupcakes and a special "teddy bear cake" for Lauren, which she demolished.

She got lots of presents from all of her "aunts and uncles." I'm making notes about who gave her gifts that make lots of noise. (I will repay...) ;-)

Possibly the best part of the day was that Shannon had permission to go to the party... in Rhode Island! She now has permission to cross the line with us on Wednesdays, Fridays, and Sundays. Yay!!

Most of the ecclesia was there, and I got some good shots (not just of Lauren). Check out the full set of pics in the flickr set, Laurens First Birthday Party.

Life, the Universe, and Everything

seth@macrobyte.net — Mon, 11 Feb 2008 16:18:37 GMT

Shannon started working last week at the Staples in New London.

Shannon's mom came up for the week with Shannon's son, Richie. For about half the week Richie was here with us, the other half he was with her mom. She also gave Shannon her manual-transmission Jeep. We're working on teaching Shannon to drive it. Shannon doesn't stall at every intersection, and she doesn't panic every time there's a car approaching on the right.

I have the flu.

The Blazer and Toyota are both on the road again. Knock knock.

Doris Sternberg, an old family friend and my mom's surrogate-mother for the last 20 years, died last night. She was quite old, and was loved by pretty much everybody. (I remember picking Aunt Doris up at her apartment every Wednesday night when I was a teenager in NH, to drive her to Bible class.) She'll be missed, terribly, but we know we'll see her again.

Lauren and Shannon have started to come to an understanding. Shannon's forcing it a little, but babies adapt very quickly. All Shannon really cares about right now is that Lauren start calling her "mommy" ASAP. Sigh.

She's even trying to compete with us for Lauren's attention, though I'm not sure she's aware of it. (And, it's a very one-sided competition.) Example: yesterday Lauren had some toy in her hand, and was holding it out to me. Every time I put out my hand so she could give it to me, she'd snatch it back and smile devilishly. Shannon saw it happen and immediately started asking, "Can I have it? Lauren, can I have it?" Lauren gave it to her, and Shannon showered her with praise and thank-you's. ::shrug::

Corinne is thinking about Shane even more than usual, these days, as we approach the anniversary. It all starts with the Super Bowl (which, in 2004, was when we started seeing a lot of him again). She went through a really bad patch last week when Richie was here and she was feeling overwhelmed, but she's better now.

I plan to start asking for donations for the PMC software auctions this month.

I'm sorry that updates have been so few and far between this year. I barely have time to live this life, never mind write about it.

I've Had a Day... But Shannon is Home

seth@macrobyte.net — Thu, 24 Jan 2008 16:57:19 GMT

I woke up Wendesday morning about 1 second before the alarm, at 6:44:59 am.

Corinne had asked me not to wake her (or Lauren). Lauren has had a really bad cold, and I had to leave at about 8 so "please just let us both sleep in."

Did some reading. At 7:30 I tried to wake Corinne anyway. We needed to pick up the pickup (heh) at the garage, so she'd have a car to meet us in Norwich at noon. "Mom and Dad will bring me," she mumbled, eyes still closed, before rolling over and going back to sleep.

I called Dad. He would have their car up in Providence all morning. So, at 7:45 I left the house on foot and walked the mile to the garage, and drove the yota home. Corinne was up when I returned, and clearly felt pretty guilty about not getting up. "I thought that must be what you had done," she said when i told her I had walked. I wasn't upset with her, though. She and Shane are/were both very difficult to awaken in the morning.

After switching Lauren's car seat into the Toyota and topping off the Blazer's radiator (there's a leak in the cooling system, somewhere), I left in the Blazer at about 8:25.

Corinne called me at some point. She told me that Steve, our landlord, had been to the house this morning. With a real estate agent. They are going to sell the house, and we'll have to move. We've been here for about 9 1/2 years. OY!

Arrived at Quinlan Cottage (the halfway house where Shannon lived for the last five months) at a little after 10. She was out on the porch with a couple other girls, waiting for me. "Yay!" she yelled, clapping.

The four of us (including the two that were on the porch with her) carried her stuff out to the car. Good grief! She went to prison with nothing but the clothes on her back, and I literally packed the truck full of her stuff for the trip home.

We left at about 10:30.

Shannon and I talked for a little while, and I had her read a letter that Corinne wrote that explained her feelings about last week's "issues." After she read the letter, she said, "I'm going to make you guys proud. No more screwing up, I'm tired of people always being disappointed with me."

Stopped at a highway rest area to get something to eat (and pit stop). Shannon's treat! ;-)

I called Corinne (or she called me, I don't remember) to tell her we'd be in Norwich at about noon.

At a few minutes after 12, we pulled into the parking lot at the Norwich parole office. There was a guy there getting into his car... very slowly. Very, very slowly. Clearly he was waiting for us to get out so he could say something. So, we got out, and he said, "Are you here for parole?" Yes. "Ok. Because you can only park here if you're here for parole." Yes, we're really here for parole. I pointed at Shannon.

So I turned it around on him. "Are you Mark?"

Heh. He looked very confused for a couple seconds. "Ohhhh... oh! You're here to see me." He looked at his watch. "And you're right on time. I'm heading out to Middletown to pick someone up." (So in other words, he was leaving right as we were supposed to show up.) "Go home, and I'll be there in a few hours."

After searching the parking lot for the Toyota, we left hoping to find her on our way home. Instead, we found her in the next parking lot up the hill, just pulling into a space. Hugs all around, then I explained what happened and Corinne and I switched trucks for the drive home so Corinne and Shannon could chat a little. I predicted that Ossifer Sarsfeld would show up at our house around 4.

Arrived at home, lugged all the stuff into the house, had a late lunch, and put Lauren down for her nap.

I was trying to work in my office (in the basement) at 4:20 when I heard the loud knock on the front door. Told shannon he was here, and ran up to answer the door then found Corinne back in the bedroom.

Shannon is not under normal parole, she's under a program called "Transitional Supervision" (TS). She's still technically a prisoner. She's not allowed to leave the state or drive without permission. Not allowed to be near drugs or firearms. Any violation results in immediate return to the clink. He said he will ask his superiors about an exception to allow her to go to Westerly (where our 'church' is) thrice a week, but he was pretty clear that she woudln't be able to take the job she'd been (almost) promised at the Westerly Staples.

She's also required to get a job. So the standard policy is: you must have a job, but you're not allowed to drive. Nice.

We'll find out about the "exception" (to allow Shannon into Westerly) next Wednesday, when she has her first weekly appointment with him in Norwich.

After he left I spent a few hours working on my class, had dinner with Shannon and Lauren (Corinne never eats dinner at a regular hour, even though she cooks it for me almost every day), then left for class (where I was teaching) at 7:15. Class started at 8, finished at 9, and I was home at 10 and in bed a little after 11.

As I said: I had a day. In fact it feels more like two or three days jammed into one.

Happy Birthday, Dad!

seth@macrobyte.net — Wed, 23 Jan 2008 04:00:44 GMT

(Posting this before it's too late!)

Happy birthday to my Dad!

I'm sorry I didn't get to see him today, but at least we got to talk on the phone for a little while and I will see him tomorrow night.

(Happy Birthday to Kerri Hicks, too.)

Shannon's Troubles, Lousy System, Rule Enforcement

seth@macrobyte.net — Thu, 17 Jan 2008 17:11:12 GMT

The good news is that nothing (new) is wrong with Shannon. She simply took the afternoon off work to hang out with some friends.

Of course, that's totally against the rules. Either she got the day (or afternoon) off from Staples and they were covering for her every time I called (entirely possible, as they know her situation), or she did this without even telling them she wouldn't be back after lunch. Plus, it's entirely against the rules of the halfway house: she's still technically a prisoner, and only has permission to go to work and doctor's offices.

"Hanging out with friends" and being very susceptible to peer pressure is, in many ways, what got Shannon into this situation in the first place.

My understanding is that her case worker (counsellor?) at the house had only three options: send her back to regular prison for the rest of her term, give her an infraction ticket (wrist slap), or scold her but do nothing. It appears that she chose the third option.

Shannon's biggest issue is that she's very selfish, thinks only about what will make her happy now, and doesn't care about long term consequences. The proof is that she would do this knowing that she was already a month beyond her scheduled parole date, and that we were just waiting for the home inspection.

Her counselor was supposed to tell her that I wasn't coming down. She just called me to ask if I was still coming. This was my first chance to talk to her.

All she did was drive around Norwalk with her friend Jen, wasting gas for the day. She had the day off from work, so I was right that Staples was just covering for her. Three different people at Staples covered for her, including the manager. Wow.

I've said from the very beginning (including in my letter to the Judge) that the things Mike and Shannon need to learn are not going to be taught in prison. She needs strong role models, discipline, and guidance. At the halfway house, all she has is a bunch of people that believe "bad" means "got caught." (Including the staff!)

People — especially kids — only learn from their mistakes if there are consistent consequences for making them, for breaking the rules.

For example (and I talked to Sean and Jim about this last year, so they may remember it), let's say you have a rule in your house: no bouncing balls in the house. Do you enforce the rule (issue some sort of punishment) for breaking the rule, or do you just tell him to knock it off? In my experience, most parents don't really enforce the rule until the bouncing ball annoys them or the kid breaks a lamp.

Which means, of course, that the rule was "don't annoy your parents" or "don't break a lamp."

The rules at the halfway house include, "don't go anywhere except pre-approved places, and come straight home afterwards" and "don't lie to the staff." Shannon broke the first rule by hanging out with a friend for the day instead of working (and I'm betting this was not anywhere near the first time), and did it by telling the staff that she had to work that day when she wasn't even scheduled.

I'm not writing this to suggest that I'm giving up. Corinne and I talked about it last night... she's close to wanting to give up, but I've reminded her that we never thought Shannon would learn anything (good) by going to prison. It's going to be up to us to straighten her out when she comes home.

Next week.

This means we're going to need strong ground rules, and some way to enforce them.

(At least she's ok. That was concern number one.)

Shannonigans

seth@macrobyte.net — Wed, 16 Jan 2008 21:12:51 GMT

This morning we got a call from a CT Parole Officer. He wanted to do the "home inspection" to make sure we have a safe, legal environment for Shannon to be released into for parole. We've been waiting for this call for about a month now. The officer said he would be here between 2 and 3 PM.

I tried to call Shannon at work (Staples in Norwalk, CT) to let her know it was finally happening, but they said she wasn't there yet.

The parole officer showed up at 11:30. I figured he'd be early, as they want to make sure they're not releasing her into a house of druggies, weapons, etc. They show up early so they can surprise you in the middle of hiding stuff or cleaning up. We have nothing to worry about in that regard, of course, but the cats had just knocked over one of their food bowls, and Lauren's stuff is EVERYWHERE. Still, baby-related clutter is not considered dangerous (if only they knew!).

He disagreed with almost everything we said, mentioned proudly that he's a full law enforcement officer with a gun and a badge (even grabbed at his gun so we'd know where he hides it under his jacket), and said that the halfway house "lied to your faces" about Shannon being able to get a job at Staples in our area. "Yes, she has to get a job or she'll go back to prison, but it won't be at Staples. She'll have to work at a place like the car wash where I just washed my car."

He "approved" us and the house, and said we should expect a call from her parole officer tomorrow (he even gave us his name, as he was already assigned).

I didn't like him (the guy inspecting us), but I don't have to. He's not there to be liked, just to make sure the house is safe and that we really do want to sponsor her. He was gone in less than 30 minutes, but he pushed enough of my buttons that I then had a small argument with Corinne about something as trivial as how I answered one of his questions. Growl.

After he left I tried to call Shannon at work, again. This time they told me that she was too busy to talk to me. I told them this was very important. They said they would have her call back. (Shannon calls me in my office or at home all the time, and knows both numbers by heart.)

At about 2:30, her new parole officer called. (Maybe these guys are just perpetually early. If so, they should be running the whole state government.) He gave me a date and time to pick her up at the halfway house: one week from today, in the morning. Excellent! From there we bring her straight to her orientation at the parole office in Norwich (for all of us), then we can bring her home. He also mentioned that subsequent visits will be in New London, which is a bit closer.

I called Staples a third time, and told them I have an important message for Shannon and must speak to her. "I'm sorry, she's not here." I pressed him, and he said she hadn't come back from lunch. "Do you mean she quit?" I asked. "No, no! We don't know what happened. She just didn't come back."

Oy.

So I called the halfway house, hoping she had gone back there. First I told them who I was, and that Shannon's parole had finally been approved. I gave them the name of the officer, and the date and time we'd be picking her up. I told two people, and the second was her actual case worker, who was pretty excited for her. I told them that I'd tried to call Shannon at Staples to let her know, but that she hadn't come back from lunch and I was hoping I could talk to her there at the house.

She wasn't there. They didn't actually set off an alarm, but they might as well have. There's a phrase they use to describe someone who disppears, even just for an hour, when living at one of these halfway houses: "Escaped Prisoner" or "Escaped Convict." In the background, I could hear people using the words, "possible escapee."

They took my office number and said they would call back when they knew anything so I wouldn't have to worry. That was about an hour ago. I'm worrying.

In fact, I am currently as stressed and anxious as I can remember being in the last couple of years.

It's possible that nothing significant happened. She sometimes has appointments with her doctor, dentist, or therapist. She may have forgotten to tell them that she wouldn't be back right away. If that's the case, or something like it, then they'll slap her wrist and be done with it.

Blood pressure guages within five miles of my house are all going haywire while I wait for news.

Our Little Letter M

seth@macrobyte.net — Sun, 23 Dec 2007 23:01:42 GMT

We lost a special little cat today. Her name was Xodus.

Officially, you'd pronounce that the same as Exodus. We tended to call her Zodus, or Zodie-Pop.

Why the weird name? Birmans are traditionally named according to the year of birth: they're all 'X' cats one year, 'Y' cats the next year, then 'Z', then back to 'A', etc. Xodus was seven years old.

In her first year she was the New England region's Best Birman Kitten. We have the ribbons and the plaque to prove it. The picture above comes from that first year. That sweet face and the bright blue eyes melted the judge's hearts the moment they saw her. The pronounced 'M' on her forehead, the perfect head shape, the classic Birman stance, and the thick, deep coat all helped her to win over and over again.

Later we found that she wasn't the healthiest cat in the house. She went into heat in "stealth mode," and got pregnant (with the willing assistance of Xerxes) more than once without warning us ahead of time. She was a breeder, so getting pregnant wouldn't normally be an issue, but she usually had trouble with her litters and we lost a lot of her kittens. We finally had her spayed a couple years ago (in fact, we stopped breeding altogether, and got them all 'fixed').

Corinne has always said that Xodus was a great nap cat. They'd snuggle up in the afternoons and Xodus would just lay quietly under the covers, against Corinne's side, until nap time was over. The other cats were never as good, they'd sometimes wake her up too soon. Never Xodus, so she tended to get a little preferential treatment in the afternoons.

The same could not be said for Xodus at night. Instead of cuddling up with us and sleeping quietly, she would always come crying to me, head-butt me, and make her signature cry: "MMMMMmmmmmmmmmmmmm!" That sound and the mark on her forehead produced the nickname, "our little letter M."

Another of our cats, "CP", took a strong dislike to Xodus. Being a much larger cat (she takes after her father, Xerxes), she would chase her into a closet or under the couch, and then stand sentry for hours to make suer she didn't come out. We'd put a stop to it whenever we saw it, but could never teach CP to just leave her alone and we couldn't guard Xodus all day long. For the last couple of years, she spent a little too much time hiding from the other cats.

We came home early this afternoon to the sound of a cat in loud distress. She wasn't making the "m" sound now, but I knew the voice. At first I thought that she was just tired of being hassled by CP. I lifted the couch with one arm, grabbed Xodus with the other, and brought her to the bedroom so she'd be ready for Corinne's nap time. She ran for the edge of the bed to jump down, and I immediately knew something else was wrong: her back legs weren't working.

Corinne was quite upset when I told her — of course — and asked me to please call the vet. The office was closed (Sunday afternoon before Christmas in a small town? Duh.) but Cheryl called back about an hour later and told me to meet her at the office at 3:30.

The diagnosis was a (likely) blood clot in a vessel that runs along the spine (aorta?), about 3/4 of the distance from her head to her tail. She had no feeling in her legs or her tail, and her feet were cold. Treatment would be very expensive, would not reverse the damage which was already done, and was not guaranteed to even clear the clot. Also, many cats (and dogs) who get these clots will get another one a few months later.

Little Xodus was obviously in pain. She hadn't stopped meowing since we came home.

I made the tough decision, told Xodus how sorry I was, and stroked her head and her little M until it was over just minutes later.

I Blame Mom

seth@macrobyte.net — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 15:56:56 GMT

Corinne went to Westerly this morning with Lauren (for class), just a minute or two before this snowstorm started. Oops. An hour later, and the ground is already covered. She's on her way home again.

Those who know my Mom will totally understand this entry's title. ;-)

My Week

seth@macrobyte.net — Wed, 12 Dec 2007 15:29:59 GMT

Life is feeling a bit repetitive right now, and it's flying past much too quickly.

Life is feeling a bit repetitive right now, and it's flying past much too quickly. ;-)

Here's my weekday schedule:

6:30 — wake up!, shower, etc.
7:15 — read
7:45 — coffee at Dunkin Donuts
8:30 — stat working
10:00 — break, say hi to Corinne and Lauren
12:00 — lunch
1:30 — another break (sometimes)
6:00 — move from office to dining room, have dinner, watch Lauren
7:00 — Wednesdays and Fridays only — go to Westerly for class
9:00 — give Lauren her last bottle, put her to bed
11:00 — go to bed

Boring.

Times are variable by up to an hour, depending on the day, but the basic structure doesn't really change.

There are a few exceptions: two or three times per month I awaken Lauren early and pack her up for a trip to visit her Mom in Norwalk or her Dad in Somers. Both are about two hours away. It's a pain in the butt, but it provides a little variety in my week and it's good to see both of them. (Oddly, I can actually sit and talk to Mike in prison for 60-90 minutes, but Shannon can't have visits at the halfway house so all I can do is drop Lauren off and pick her up again a few hours later. When Lauren is visiting Shannon, I work from Starbucks for a few hours.)

The other exception: Tuesday mornings I have breakfast with Rich at 9:00 (again, times may vary, right Rich?) at a little diner in North Kingstown, RI, then we go back to his house to work for a few hours.

Do you see what's missing? I haven't ridden my bike since November 1st!

Something's going to have to change. If the monotonous schedule doesn't drive me nuts (and I think Corinne is feeling it at least as badly as I am), the lack of exercise certainly will.

A Good Weekend

seth@macrobyte.net — Sun, 02 Dec 2007 05:40:43 GMT

It's only Saturday night, and it's already been an excellent weekend.

Art and Sarah (brother-in-law and Sister) had their third child (Lydia Sarah Peña) on Thursday. Technically not the weekend, but I didn't see her until Saturday so I'm claiming it.
I got a new (to me) lens for my camera. Love. It.
After almost three weeks, my Toyota pickup is back on the road.
We got a phone bill for $890, and that doesn't include my (relatively inexpensive) cell phone.

Whoo! What more could one ask for in a single weekend?

OK, well, three out of four isn't bad.

I was going to write about each of those things in more detail tonight, but I've totally run out of steam so I'm putting it all off until Sunday.