Truer Words - A Journal

Life, the Universe, and Everything

seth@macrobyte.net — Mon, 11 Feb 2008 16:18:37 GMT

Shannon started working last week at the Staples in New London.

Shannon's mom came up for the week with Shannon's son, Richie. For about half the week Richie was here with us, the other half he was with her mom. She also gave Shannon her manual-transmission Jeep. We're working on teaching Shannon to drive it. Shannon doesn't stall at every intersection, and she doesn't panic every time there's a car approaching on the right.

I have the flu.

The Blazer and Toyota are both on the road again. Knock knock.

Doris Sternberg, an old family friend and my mom's surrogate-mother for the last 20 years, died last night. She was quite old, and was loved by pretty much everybody. (I remember picking Aunt Doris up at her apartment every Wednesday night when I was a teenager in NH, to drive her to Bible class.) She'll be missed, terribly, but we know we'll see her again.

Lauren and Shannon have started to come to an understanding. Shannon's forcing it a little, but babies adapt very quickly. All Shannon really cares about right now is that Lauren start calling her "mommy" ASAP. Sigh.

She's even trying to compete with us for Lauren's attention, though I'm not sure she's aware of it. (And, it's a very one-sided competition.) Example: yesterday Lauren had some toy in her hand, and was holding it out to me. Every time I put out my hand so she could give it to me, she'd snatch it back and smile devilishly. Shannon saw it happen and immediately started asking, "Can I have it? Lauren, can I have it?" Lauren gave it to her, and Shannon showered her with praise and thank-you's. ::shrug::

Corinne is thinking about Shane even more than usual, these days, as we approach the anniversary. It all starts with the Super Bowl (which, in 2004, was when we started seeing a lot of him again). She went through a really bad patch last week when Richie was here and she was feeling overwhelmed, but she's better now.

I plan to start asking for donations for the PMC software auctions this month.

I'm sorry that updates have been so few and far between this year. I barely have time to live this life, never mind write about it.

I Blame Mom

seth@macrobyte.net — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 15:56:56 GMT

Corinne went to Westerly this morning with Lauren (for class), just a minute or two before this snowstorm started. Oops. An hour later, and the ground is already covered. She's on her way home again.

Those who know my Mom will totally understand this entry's title. ;-)

Another Wedding Reception for Jed and Alycia

seth@macrobyte.net — Sun, 14 Oct 2007 03:09:19 GMT

Since hardly anyone from the East coast made it to their wedding, we put on a wedding receiption for Jed and Alycia this afternoon. Jed showed lots of slides. (Strangely, Eric didn't mock him all the way through it like he did me when I showed many of the same slides four months ago.) After the slide show, food. Lots and lots of food.

Corinne did most of the cooking (of course). I was frustrated when packing all the food into the Blazer because I was sure there was way too much. (There was more than we needed, but it wasn't "way too much" like has happened before.) The most popular item was, without any doubt, the seafood chowder-like soup. Others cooked also: Mandi, Mom, Dee... maybe Angi? Ellyn? I don't know. Corinne cooked a LOT. She and my Mom both did a lot of work in the planning and preparation for this party… and it really did go off beautifully.

(Brietta Harper will be happy to read...) Feeling inspired after the reception, I've finally uploaded a lot more photos from the trip out to BC in June for the wedding. About 140 more, in fact. I still have another 92 that need to be reviewed, cleaned up and tagged, but this made a huge dent in the pile.

Originally, I didn't upload them because I wanted to make a nice book of photos for their wedding present. We haven't had the money for that kind of thing, so the photos just sat on my drive. Better to share them, so there they are.

I took another big "roll" today. Hopefully I'll find motivation to upload them soon. Believe it or not, there are even pictures of Lauren in there! (No, really!!)

Update: Here they are.

Jed and Alycia Are In Town

seth@macrobyte.net — Fri, 05 Oct 2007 13:39:36 GMT

My brother and his wife are out here visiting for a couple of weeks. Haven't seen him (or really even spoken with him) since the wedding back in June (which I'm surprised to discover I wrote NOTHING about, so I can't link to it!), so it's great to see both of them. They're staying at Mom's and Dad's house, but yesterday morning they came over for a few hours and had lunch, and then we all went to Gary's and Ellyn's house last night for dinner.

The biggest thing for me was Lauren meeting Jed... but in the end seemed to be much more impressed with Alycia than with him. Alycia can make a "clicking" sound with her mouth that makes Lauren smile every time.

Had a great time at the Schlag's last night. In attendance: Jed and Alycia, Mom and Dad, Corinne, Lauren and Myself, Ben and Mandi, Stan and Windy (Ben's parents, up for two weeks from Houston), Carrie, Mark and Tory (friends of Ellyn), and of course our hosts Katie, Tom, Gary and Ellyn. Food was good, conversation and "play" was even better.

Unfortunately, Lauren has a cold so Corinne took her home early. After a long conversation with Stan and Dad, I went downstairs (their basement is set up a bit like a 50's diner) and had another good chat about some fairly lofty subjects (spiritual life vs. religion, evolution, etc.). Then we made up for it by playing "spin the quarter" for at least 45 minutes.

Later, Dad drove me home.

Eighty Laps

seth@macrobyte.net — Sun, 02 Sep 2007 19:55:18 GMT

My father's father (Arthur Dilingham, Sr.) has a beautiful birth date: 7 • 27 • 27. It's symmetrical and palindromic, and also happens to mean that this summer marked the end of his eightieth lap 'round the sun.

Saturday his wife, his children, his children's children, his children's children's children, and a very (very, very) small percentage of his friends and extended family from around the world gathered in his honor to tell him just two things: "Happy Birthday," and "We Love You."

The party was held at Goddard Park in Warwick, RI, at the old Carousel Building.

There was a very cool tribute video assembled by my cousin Tiffany and her husband Josh (with, I think, the aid of the rest of the NH contingent of Dillinghams and their kin). It included pictures and/or video of most of the family, and a stirring, deeply emotional, recorded message from Barry Van Heerden in South Africa. (I've heard Grampa sing Barry's praise many times over the years, but I had no idea that he looked at Grampa as a father and mentor.)

Corinne shed a few tears when she saw Shane's picture in the video. Tif had written to me in advance to make sure it was ok. (Of course it was! Including and remembering him is always better than the alternative.)

They even included at least one picture of Lauren in there. That was cool, especially as Gramma and Grampa have both treated Lauren as their latest great granddaughter.

There was also an open mic on the stage, where we were all supposed to tell stories. Unfortunately, though some of us inherited some of Grampa's storytelling talents, none of us will eve be The Master Storyteller that he is. So, most of the stories were told by him! Three times he (literally) lept onto the stage to tell another story, and then hopped back off it again to retake his seat. (Eighty years old, hoppping onto and off of a two-foot-high stage! He's spry.)

He told the Bert and I classic, "I am Gagnon, Champion Moose Caller" story, but (more importantly) he also told some of the TRUE funny stories from his life, including the one about the skunk in the ventilation system at his school in Dighton, MA. I think his school principal probably went to his grave wondering who did that.

I have tons of stories I could have told, but couldn't think of the best ones until after we left so I never took the stage. Had I remembered, I certainly would have recounted the trip to Florida with him, Jed, Dad and myself (I wasn't ten, yet), to move Aunt Marrion. The highlights of that drive to FL included:

Arthur Fiedler's Greatest Hits (Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy of Company B!)
the brain teaser about the man with three sons
the brain teaser about the egg-laying chickens
Dad and Grampa acting like it was hot the moment we crossed the state line
Aunt Marrion freaking out when Jed and I happened to be in the vicinity of Grampa's wallet
feeding the seagulls on the beach

Everybody picks on Dillinghams for being... well, Dillinghams. Smart, knowing it (all of it), easily brought to tears, always having an opinion, and "talking until we think of something to say." Though Gramma had as much of a hand in forming us as did Grampa, there's no doubting the source of those particular characteristics. :-)

But, as much as we tease him and each other for those things — endlessly — we love him for them, too. We're a big family (wink, wink), and he’s been the patriarch for as long as most (any!) of us have been alive. (So it's not that we think he's perfect, or pretend that he is. It's that hearing him speak yesterday, and hearing everyone else speak about him, it's clear that he inspires us to aspire to perfection, and we're all better for it.)

Happy Birthday, Grampa. I love you, we all love you.

Pwned By a Baby

seth@macrobyte.net — Thu, 05 Apr 2007 21:46:21 GMT

Last night I taught midweek class in Westerly, and (as always) brought Lauren with me. (Wed. and Fri. nights are Corinne's nights off). My Mom was the first adult female there, and claimed Lauren for the duration.

After class, she was passed around from lady to young lady, to the point that I could barely keep track of her. She needed to be fed, so they took turns with her. Ethan even held her for a minute, but apparently he didn't know that babies fart. When she trumpeted he passed her back and ran for the hills.

She only drank two ounces instead of the four I knew she'd want, I think mostly because nobody realized you have to actually burp her a few times in the process.

Unfortunately, that meant she was still hungry when I put her in the Blazer for the drive home. As soon as we started moving, she started up the I'M SO HUNGRY I'M GOING TO DIE IF I DON'T GET SOME FOOD SOON!!! cry. She'd had two ounces, so I knew she'd survive the 25 minute drive home... but I could only tolerate it for five minutes. She didn't settle down with the car's motion like she usually does, so I stopped in an empty Brooks Drugs parking lot, climbed into the back seat, and tried to give her another ounce or two from the second bottle.

For some reason she just wouldn't drink it. She quieted down when the nipple was in her mouth, but she wasn't drinking it. I gave up after ten minutes. (This wasn't inexperience. I feed her two or three times per day, every day. Maybe it was the weird setting.)

She started hollering again as soon as I put her back in the seat, but this time she quieted down after a couple minutes and stayed silent all the way home. (So quiet that I, being a noob, had to check to make sure she was still breathing! Bah.)

I was still annoyed when we returned home, so I handed her to Corinne and tried to relax. Yes, I admit it: I may actually have been annoyed, possibly even angry, with a helpless baby. Some of you probably think that makes me evil or heartless. (You probably don't have kids.)

However, Corinne was in the middle of something, so I ended up holding her for a few more minutes until she could prepare another bottle (which I could have done, and would have if she was screaming again). I laid down on my oversized Lay-Z-Boy, and put her on my chest, facing up with my hands on her belly so she couldn't slide or roll away.

After just a few seconds of that, she craned her head around at this really bizarre angle and stared up into my eyes. She just laid that way, staring at me, daring me not to admit she's adorable.

Yeah, I've been pwned by a one month old baby. Darn kid.

Happy New Year, One and All

seth@macrobyte.net — Mon, 01 Jan 2007 16:22:11 GMT

2006 was a good year for me and mine, in many ways.

To all of my family near and far, to my ecclesia here and worldwide, to all of my friends new and old, close or distant:

Happy
New Year!

Hoping 2007 will be even better, for all of us...

Season of Change

seth@macrobyte.net — Sat, 18 Nov 2006 21:38:20 GMT

I'm not afraid of change, generally, but that doesn't mean I'm immune to the stress it brings. Right now so much around me is changing that there seems to be another source of stress no matter where I look.

Macrobyte has been doing fairly well this year... enough that Corinne put in her notice and is finally staying home again. It's been a long, long time. She still has some healing to do. Hopefully being able to focus on some other areas of her life will help with that. (Plus, I never wanted her to have to work in the first place.)
Our plans for Thanksgiving this year have been pretty messy. Corinne thought she was going to have to be working so she didn't sign up to serve the shelter. That was a disappointment. Then she gave her notice. I believe things have worked out and we know where we're going, but it hasn't yet been finalized. Wherever we end up, they'd better allow us to bring some food! :-D

Seriously, I can't imagine going to a big dinner like that, with Corinne, without at least a few pans/dishes in the back of the Blazer.
Jed (my brother) has lived with us since late July, 2005. Despite the obvious stuff like space issues, (occasional) fraternal friction, and some loss of privacy, I have truly loved having him here.

Unfortunately, he's not just moving out, he's moving away, putting an entire continent between us. It's for the best of reasons: he has found true love, but Alycia lives in British Columbia. Logistics were such that it made more sense for him to go there than for her to come here, at least for now.

So there's a trailer-full of mixed emotions over this one. I couldn't be happier that he found her, but I'm selfishly sad that his find is our loss. Plus there's a hint of jealousy, because he's moving to my favorite place, somewhere I haven't even managed to visit since Corinne and I went to BC on our honeymoon in '97.
Jed has been our ecclesial secretary for years. Him leaving is a bit like throwing all the cards up in the air. While I think it's good to shuffle things around, it's most definitely a source of stress.
Mark & Michelle are pregnant! This is officially 'super cool,' the only downside to it is that Mark isn't willing to be the secretary in Jed's place because he's going to have a new baby to care for. I don't blame him, but it's too bad because he was the obvious choice.
As long as I'm listing stuff that's changing... my Mom and Dad are moving their 'warehouse' to a completely different facility. This isn't a real big deal for me, but it's one more happening in a family that's a little overloaded at the moment.

That's all I can think of at the moment. Isn't that enough?

Tuesday's Grab Bag of Highs and Lows

seth@macrobyte.net — Thu, 28 Sep 2006 01:57:47 GMT

Tuesday was an intense day, with some very high highs and very low lows. I'm just going to brain-dump it all.

Low and High:

Perry died. This is very sad for all of us, but he lived a long, full life and had plenty of time to know even his great grandchildren. I had to call this both a high and a low... it's hard to attach anything "all bad" to Perry Lanphear.

High:

Breakfast at Snoopy's Diner with a friend and client. The business side of the meeting went well, as plans were made and progress reviewed. The friendly side of the meeting was even better. Best of all were the pancakes! Mama mia. Must take Corinne there so she can replicate those Apple-slice-filled beauties. (Oh wait, I gave up food. Nuts!)

High:

After my gigantic breakfast, I drove up to see Steve Davis in MA so we could go for a ride. He had a basketball game the night before, so was worried that he'd be too tired for my pace. I promised that I would ride super hard the day before and then eat a huge breakfast to weigh me down. I did both, but neither were necessary: he kept me talking the whole time! It's hard to push the pace when you're talking so much that you can't breathe heavily. Sneaky, Steve.

This was ride #103. Stats: 36.4 miles (58.60 km) in 1h 59' 37" for an average speed of 18.25 mph (29.39 kph).

Low:

Our average speed for that ride. (Sorry Steve, couldn't resist.)

High & Low, Again:

After I left Steve's place, I went straight to Gary's & Ellyn's house in Westerly. Ellyn had invited the whole family for a "send off dinner" for Gramma and Grampa. They were up here in New England for much longer this year than previous years, because of Mandi's wedding, but now they're heading home and last night was our last chance to see them this year. I was about 90 minutes early because the alternative was driving all the way home, finding something to do for 30 minutes, then driving back again.

I had a chance to watch Grampa cut down a whole Pineapple into rings. He'd never done it before, and definitely did not like the fact that there's so much waste. Rather than just slice a little more deeply as he "skinned" it, he made shallow cuts and then worked with a paring knife to dig out the bits of rind that were left. After slicing it down, he carefully cut the inedible core out of every piece. This was all both highly amusing and rather painful to witness, but he didn't cut *himself* so all's well that ends well. :-)

Almost everybody made it to the dinner. Corinne had to work until 6:30 so she was late, but wanted to be there so she could say goodbye. Dad was there until 6:45, but had to leave to teach a class. Gary worked late but made a quiet appearance while we were still eating (spaghetti and meatballs). Katie's in Colorado so couldn't be there at all. Mandi, just back from her honeymoon for a day, showed up just before G&G were about to give up and go back to their rental for the night. (She had to work late, also.) Sarah was there but left a little early because Art, who couldn't make it due to work, needed some dinner. Everybody else in the family (Mom, Jed, Ellyn, Gramma and Grampa, Tom, and Rusty) was there, too.

Quite a day.

Thanksgiving Day at the WARM Shelter

seth@macrobyte.net — Tue, 29 Nov 2005 15:21:09 GMT

(OK, I'm a little late with this...)

Thanksgiving day was fantastic. I've always loved this day, but this year it was completely different and better than ever.

Corinne organized a huge donation of prepared dishes from her coworkers at the bank, and brought it all to the Westerly WARM Shelter (a homeless shelter and halfway house) on Wednesday afternoon. Thursday morning, Jed barbecued two turkeys, and Corinne drove to the shelter to start setting up. Dad met me there at 10 so we could set up the slushy machine (we were expecting about 80 people between lunch and supper), and he took two more turkeys home to cook on their grills for the supper.

At noon, I delivered the turkeys that Jed had grilled and carved to the shelter, helped set the tables and then left. Two girls from the bank helped her serve lunch for a little less than twenty people (I would have been in the way, it's a small kitchen).

I went to Mom's and Dad's to hang out (and wait for the turkeys) instead of going home. They were going to have dinner with Art and Sarah, and invited me to join them, so I got to spend a couple hours with all of them and my nieces Allison and Talia. Art and Sarah made most of the dinner, and it was quite good (especially the mashed garlic with a hint of potato!).

While I was there I tried to use my Dad's Compaq laptop. It's a 1.7 Ghz P4... it should be fairly responsive but instead is insanely, painfully slow. Appaerently 256 MB isn't enough RAM for the dozen or so virus, trojan, worm, and adware blockers he's running! We ordered another 256 (from datamem.com, of course).

The turkeys went on the grill a little late, and it took Mom and Dad a little while to figure out how to tie up the bird so that the legs wouldn't fall off in the grill... because Jed had injected a honey/mustard/orange mixture and broken the skin, they were worried it would fall apart. This whole situation was hilarious, with Dad trying to get Mom to say it was ok to use wire to tie it up, Mom finally giving in, Dad saying he didn't have any (!), Mom wanting to use a big rubber band (on the grill!!), and me panicking at the thought of rubberized turkey.

Forty-five minutes before I had to be at the shelter with the turkeys, we took them off the grill to start carving... but they weren't done. The joints (knees?) at the fat end of the legs were still somewhat raw. The carved meat would have to go in the oven at the shelter for a little while before anybody could eat it (not a problem, there were leftovers from lunch that could get the meal started, if necessary).

Next problem: we didn't have any pans in which to put the meat. We chose a couple of stew pots for transport, and I called Jed to ask him to meet me at the shelter with some foil pans from home.

Jed showed up, we transferred the meat into the fail serving pans and into the oven, with time to spare. He stuck around to help serve so Corinne could take a break (she'd been at it all day).

The shelter is very nice, it's a very friendly and, uh, "warm" atmosphere. Most of the people there are full-time residents (rather than transients), on their way to full recovery from alcoholism and returning to normal lives (that's not to say that they're all fully recovered and functional, but they're all improving).

Supper was served from 5:30 to 6:30. We started packing up, Dad showed up at 7 to get the slushy machine, and we were out the door by 7:30.

That's a fairly dry recounting of what happened, but let me tell you what I learned this year. As odd as it may sound, Thanksgiving is a pretty selfish holiday. Most of us spend the day stuffing ourselves, trying to be perfect hosts, watching football games and parades, and trying to be thankful for whatever good things we have in our lives.

My thankfulness, my thanksgiving, was always legitimate. I've always had something for which I felt thankful.

Last year Thanksgiving Day was hard for me. A thirty-plus year tradition of celebrating the day with a big family gathering died with Shane (March '04), and it wasn't easy for me to let it go. 2004 was a transitional year.

This year I learned how much better it feels to put aside the 'feeling good' about the blessings in your own life, and instead put yourself out there to *do* some good in someone else's life; giving someone else a little something to be thankful for.

At the end of the day, after being on her feet in that kitchen almost non-stop, Corinne said, "my body aches but my heart feels good."

Amen, baby.

(One last note: the day went so well that Laura, the volunteer coordinator, has asked Corinne to handle the Christmas meal.)

Birthday Lunches

seth@macrobyte.net — Fri, 09 Sep 2005 21:47:05 GMT

Mom and Dad took Corinne, Jed and me to a newish Indian restaurant in Groton for my birthday lunch today. Mom and Dad have never been to an Indian restaurant, but it's my favorite and one of Corinne's favorites (second only to pizza?). Very nice place, and they have a lunch buffet every day of the week! (Dad got three DWD peppers in their spicy dish, the rest of us didn't get any. I'm glad I had just warned him to watch out for them.)

Mom and Dad brought Corinne home, and I ran over to the other side of town to get my hair cut... but the barber shop was too crowded so I just came home again. (Same problem this morning.)

Brad Powell (long-term client, for years now) called a little after I got home. I'd been trying to reach him all morning. Why hadn't he been available? His wife had taken him to NYC for his birthday lunch! He almost didn't believe me when I said that I had just gotten home from my own. Happy Birthday, Brad!

Oh, and Corinne likes that I'm 33 now, because it's symmetrical. :-)

Happy Anniversary, Mom and Dad!

seth@macrobyte.net — Wed, 24 Aug 2005 15:17:22 GMT

Thirty-six years together today. Mom says their plans for the day are to, "go somewhere, and do something. We don't know where or what, and we don't know when we'll be back!"

She "made" Dad sleep in this morning, so their non-plans will have to wait for him to wake up a second time. :-)

Displacement

seth@macrobyte.net — Mon, 25 Jul 2005 15:11:16 GMT

You can't pour a gallon of life into a pint-sized glass without losing something. That's an awkward way of saying that the last week has been really busy, but I finally have a few minutes to explain how and why.

Things I haven't written about as I should have, simply for lack of time (or priority):

Wednesday night, Corinne and I had dinner with the Rudds, on the Atlantia. Good time, beautiful boat, lovely family.
Thursday I sailed with the Rudds from Mystic Seaport to Old Lyme. Driving by car takes 30 minutes, max. Sailing takes more than five hours, as it's straight into the wind. I have a partially written story and lots of pictures...
Saturday, Mom and Dad moved. This took almost the entire day, even with lots of help from the ecclesia.
In October, ~~2004~~ 1994, I rented an apartment in Ashaway, RI for Mark Drake, Dave Bilello, and myself. $550 / month!!! I even paid to have some structural work done to the place, because it was otherwise such a bargain.

I lived there for about a year and a half before moving down to Niantic, CT. Jed (my brother) moved in. Dave died of cancer. Andrew Ellison moved in. Mark married Michelle Shaw. Ben Isbell moved in. Now the remaining three (Jed, Andrew, Ben) have been evicted because the landlords have decided that they want to spread out a little (some of their family is moving out of the first floor into the second floor apt.).

Rentals around here are pretty expensive for such a rural area. That place was a fluke, they couldn't find anything similar for less than $1200. So, Andrew is moving into his parents' basement, Ben into Ellyn's & Gary's, and Jed into mine. This is all temporary, until everyone is sure they have solid employment and can find a place they can afford (together or not). All that to say that Jed's been moving in here, and his entrance is right through my office.

There's more. Lots more. A significant PMC update, an important ride story, etc., but I'll save those for separate updates.

Unfortunately, with so many things happening, I had to choose between writing about life and actually living it. That's no exaggeration: if I'd taken time out to write about all this stuff in the last week, something would have been skipped, or I'd have slept even less than I did. This bulk update is a compromise, but it's better than nothing.

Happy Mother's Day, Moms

seth@macrobyte.net — Sun, 08 May 2005 19:10:46 GMT

Happy Mother's Day to my own Mom, who's currently attending some sort of wool festival out-of-state with her friend, Maureen. Hope you have a great time, but even more I hope you come back soon so Dad doesn't go completely nuts without you. :-) I love you, Mom!

Happy Mother's Day also to my sister, Sarah, now the mother of my only two nieces, Allison and Talia. You've proven to be a great Mom, and I'm proud of you for it.

Last but definitely not least, Happy Mother's Day to Corinne. I know this day is very hard for you. We may have lost him, and we'll always miss him, but at least now we can smile at every memory of him instead of crying at the mention of his name! You'll always be his Mom, and I love you for it.

Happy Birthday Mom!

seth@macrobyte.net — Tue, 12 Apr 2005 16:19:30 GMT

On this day, in a small Iowan city, sometime around the middle of the last century *, a little red-haired girl was born to Ernest and Florence Brower. They were classic Iowan farmers, growing crops and cattle -- and children -- on a small farm in Glenwood.

It's no surprise that an Iowa farmgirl would grow up to be a seamstress, a gardener, a spinner, or an intensely family-oriented and faithful mother. Those are the kinds of things you learn on the farm.

Who could have predicted, though, that the little farm girl would grow up to marry a giant, and bear three of her own?

Here's a loving Happy Birthday, Mom, from your first "little giant."

*(Yes, of course I know exatly "when" in the middle of the last century, but saying it here doesn't seem like such a good idea, now, does it?)

Roses on Mother's Day

seth@macrobyte.net — Sun, 09 May 2004 18:32:19 GMT

Two years ago today, Shane gave Corinne a miniature rose bush, which I then planted in the front yard next to the cement walk leading to the front door. It suffered some damage this winter, but appears to be recovering.

Last week, we planted a miniature rose bush on Shane's gravesite in Lancaster, PA. I took pictures, but the roses weren't open yet and so the pictures are really stupid looking. We'll go back sometime in the next couple months to get better shots, and the roses should be in full bloom (all summer, in fact).

Yesterday, to remind her that I still see her as a mother no matter what, and that I love her, and in honor of Shane, I gave Corinne another miniature rose bush, and planted it right next to the one Shane gave her. This has the makings of a new tradition.

I also bought one for my Mom, and drove up to Mom and Dad's house this afternoon to plant it, also in their front yard, right next to their cement walk (just a coincidence).

Miniature roses are small (duh), and look a little lonely by themselves. They're not large enough to be stand-alone "specimen" plantings. Still, I like the effect... they're hard to miss, with the bright green leaves and brightly colored flowers contrasting the black planting soil.

Moms love saying, "my son (or daughter) planted that for me on Mother's Day...," so it's good that they stand out.

Mother's Day

seth@macrobyte.net — Sun, 09 May 2004 18:11:23 GMT

I've seen a few comments on weblogs today about the pain of celebrating Mother's Day when your mother has died in the last year (since the previous Mother's Day).

I'm sure that is hard. Thank God my parents are still spring chickens.

But... think about those mothers who have lost their children since the last Mother's Day. This day is especially hard for them.

Sometimes my wife, Corinne, doesn't even know if she's a mother anymore. She is, in my opinion, and always will be, but I'm sure you can understand (a little) the confusion.

Also, thanks to the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, there are now a lot more mothers without children than there were a year ago.

(I first mentioned this to Dave, and told him I didn't think I could post it here without causing Corinne more pain. Then I talked to her about it, and she said it was fine, that she likes thinking about him.)

Stupid Article about Shane Certainly Didn't Help

seth@macrobyte.net — Sun, 14 Mar 2004 15:48:47 GMT

The New London Day published an article by Amy Sullivan about Shane's death. To say the least, it didn't make things any better.

In case it's not obvious why this is so frustrating, here's the response I've sent their editor. They might not publish it or even contact me about it, but thanks to this site I can "route around them."

(Of course, people will have to link to this for the search engines to give it any weight, but I don't really care. Those who know us, know we all had a good, loving relationship. So I guess I'm just venting.)

Your story about the death of Shane Kilhefner has greatly upset my wife and I. This woman, Ms. Pottie, was not Shane's mother. My wife, Corinne Dillingham, was his mother, and we were both very involved in Shane's life.

Shane worked part time for my dad, Mike Dillingham. He spent one or two nights, most weeks, at our house so that I could drive him to my Dad's house early in the morning for work. This past week he was with us Monday night, and his mom drove him home to his appt. Tuesday evening after work.

He was here again on Wednesday taking food home with him, and often came by just to do his laundry. He called his Mom at work (Chelsea Groton Bank) a few days each week, too, and had been to the bank numerous times just to visit his mom during the day.

It's hard enough to lose a son, but your paper has run two articles about his death and never mentioned his real family. This latest article makes it appear that Shane didn't have a real family, and for some reason needed a surrogate mother.

Ms. Pottie wasn't entirely honest. Shane couldn't play the guitar at all [added: unless he secretly took lessons and actively hid his skill from me], so there's no way he could have taught her son how to play it. Also, how could Shane have gone to her house every day for dinner, when he was so often with us or his grandparents?

If she thinks Saturday night was "unbearable," let her try to imagine how Corinne, Shane's real mother, is feeling.

We loved Shane, and will miss him for the rest of our lives. His friends like Ms. Pottie will miss him, and the pain from losing a friend is very real, but it was wrong for her to claim she was a surrogate mother and irresponsible for your paper to publish the story in that way.

I hope you'll contact me to straighten this out.

Winnowing Out the Chaff

seth@macrobyte.net — Fri, 05 Dec 2003 17:48:05 GMT

It's the same every year: the first snow storm of the season winnows out the chaff. By "chaff" I mean the drivers who think they're safe because they're in Volvos or 4WD SUV's, or because they have snow tires, or (worst of all) 4WD Volvo SUV's with snow tires, and by "winnow" I mean, "have accidents and wish they'd stayed home where they belonged."

I'd be safer in a two wheel drive pinto with smooth-as-glass bald tires than any of those knuckleheads.

I drove up to my parents' place this afternoon to cut some wood for our fireplace. The snow started falling while I was there, and immediately started to accumulate because it's been really cold the last few days. When I left there I headed straight for the bank to pick up Corinne after work, and I saw at least a dozen accidents on just five miles of highway. No serious injuries, it looked like most of the people had just lost control and driven into the ditch, or hit the car ahead.

Repeat after me: driving safely in snow has nothing to do with my equipment. I am the safe driver, not my car.

Good equipment increases the speed (a little) at which a safe driver can drive safely, and that is all. An unsafe driver in the snow is unsafe at any speed, and in any vehicle. There's certainly nothing wrong with having great equipment, but it won't help you at all if you don't know how to use it.

One last thing: any recent Californian immigrants who constantly worry about when Winter has officially started should stay off the roads until further notice. :-) Otherwise you, too, risk being winnowed like the chaff.

Bounty

seth@macrobyte.net — Thu, 27 Nov 2003 11:52:26 GMT

This is my favorite really, my only holiday of the year. It's not sponsored by a greeting card company, it's almost completely non-commercial. There are no stupid songs to sing. There's no false hopes attached to it, either: people don't dream of that "perfect Thanksgiving" like they do a perfect Christmas. There's no false religious basis for it: it's not a pagan fertility celebration gussied up to look like something Christian, it's not worship of the sun god.

Thanksgiving is, to me, clean, simple, and honest. It requires a little work, too. Anybody can have a Turkey Day, but to celebrate Thanksgiving you have to force yourself to think about those things you'd miss most if they were gone, and...

Thank God.

For my wife, and a relationship that makes everybody around us smile (or even blush). For my ecclesia, for my family. For my knowledge of scripture, and the faith it inspired. For my brains. For the strength to endure years of serious financial hardship, and not having to endure it alone. For family and friends who have always lent their helping hands when they were most needed. For finally having some steady, very challenging work.

Even for all those things I've under appreciated but know I'd miss. For my niece, who's growing up so fast, and the parents that are raising her. For Mark, who's finally found true love. For Jed, who's following a spiritual path in a way that so few of us are able (or choose to).

For all these things, and for everything else in my life, big and small, this holiday is this simple.

Thank God.

Memory Quilt for My Grandmother's 75th Birthday

seth@macrobyte.net — Mon, 03 Nov 2003 09:49:21 GMT

My Dad's Mother's seventy-fifth birthday was last week. My Mom made a "memory quilt" for her. A memory quilt is basically just a quilt with photos on it. The photos are printed to a "transfer paper" -- basically an iron-on system -- and then applied to the cloth. The bits are then all sewn together. The thumbnail image to the right is a link to a larger photo showing the finished quilt.

Excelent, isn't it? I was really impressed.

The photos were scanned in and given to me on a CD. Some of them were color, some were black and white, most of them were older than digital cameras. I 'sepia toned' them -- some by literally making a silhouetted sepia tone, some by just adjusting the colors. (Making a real, old fashioned sepia tone in Photoshop can take anywhere from 45 minutes to 2 hours, and I don't have that kind of time, so I only did it to those that needed it most.) After I was done, I sent the photos back to my Mom, who created the quilt.

Thursday, Mom and Dad flew down to Florida to spend a few days with my Grandparents, and celebrate her birthday. She called me after getting the quilt... she loved it!

I love that my digital tools could be used to make something really old fashioned and worthwhile in my analog world, and what better way than to help make a comforting gift for your own loving grandmother on her 75th birthday?

Happy Birthday, Gramma!

P.S. Bonus points to anybody who can find Corinne or me in the pictures. ;-) We're both in more than one of them.

Thank You, Maam

seth@macrobyte.net — Mon, 22 Sep 2003 19:47:26 GMT

My Mom stopped by to drop off some ingredients for something Corinne is cooking. Sarah (my sister) and Alli (my niece) were in the car. Alli is eighteen months old now!

I waved goodbye to Alli just before they left, and she waved back and said bye-bye. Very cute... but then they got her to say "Uncle" and something resembling "Seth," which was even better.

Best of all, she very clearly says, "I love you."

I shouldn't play favorites, but Alli is definitely my favorite niece of all time. Smartest, too.

My 32nd Opportunity to Get It Right

seth@macrobyte.net — Tue, 09 Sep 2003 08:06:47 GMT

Today is my 31st Birthday.

"I'd like to thank my parents. I couldn't have done it without them!" ;-)

No big plans for the day. I'm not going to ride a century like I did last year. My bike's drive train really seems to be on its last legs, so I'm trying to make it last until the Tri-State Seacoast Century on the 20th. I will do a regular training ride (36 miles) today, though.

Tonight my parents are taking Corinne and I to dinner. Other than that... I'm not sure.

Ho hum.

My SIDI's Are Here

seth@macrobyte.net — Fri, 25 Apr 2003 11:02:36 GMT

My new cycling shoes are here!

They seem to fit almost perfectly. If anything, they're a little loose. Hopefully they won't stretch too mcuh.

Steve Davis is sending me an old pair of cleats and pedals. When they arrive, I'll probably take them over to Mystic Cycle to get a little help setting them up. (I need some brake work done on the bike anyway, so I won't just be mooching, and they're still hoping I'll buy a new bike from them this year. Me too.)

If FedEx shows up early enough today, I might even get a chance to actually use them! It'll rain all day tomorrow, so it'll either be this afternoon or Sunday.

The weather hasn't been very cooperative yet this year.

Saving Money

seth@macrobyte.net — Tue, 22 Apr 2003 11:34:35 GMT

Steve Davis pointed out that size 52 SIDI's are on sale at coloradocyclist.com -- for $50! -- so my Mom offered to play "fairy godmother" (her words) and ordered a pair for me! Cool, thanks Mom, and thanks Steve.

I'll have to cancel the order at Mystic Cycle, which is NOT going to make them very happy. I hope they didn't already order the shoes. At least this means I'll be able to afford the new helmet I promised myself all winter.

Happy Birthday, Mom

seth@macrobyte.net — Sat, 12 Apr 2003 12:19:24 GMT

Today is my Mom's birthday. Happy Birthday, Mom!

She's 39 again. That's so cool, I'm actually catching up with her.